Tobi's Massive Adventure
by Oplindenfep
Summary: After a trans-dimensional mishap, Tobi teleports to Omega! He soon meets Shepard and the crew, how will the story change with one of the most powerful shinobi of his generation involved?
1. Tobi's New Gig!

Tobi was having some of the most fun he has had in years. Just 3 years in this place and he has already had more fun in his whole life otherwise. While coming to this place also crushed his hopes and dreams of turning his homeworld into a peaceful, perfect land, it also showed him the futility of such a goal. He may have been able to cast an illusion over the whole world, but he couldn't cast an illusion over an entire galaxy of worlds.

His troubles, and release from his troubles, all started when the damn Uzumaki brat threw a Rasenshuriken at him, Madara, and the Ten Tails. Apparently, in the presence of a high-powered, Kyuubi-powered technique, the Ten Tails in all of its might, and an inter-dimensional technique will send you far, _far_ away. Who knew?

How far away, you may ask? While he wasn't sure on the specific distances involved, he did know that it was far enough away that he had literally zero hope of ever going back. If you don't know how far away you are and you also don't know the direction to travel, you will never reach your destination.

Well, where he was was still infinitely better than the Elemental Countries, so he didn't even want to go back. He was just happy to spend the rest of his life being an enormously powerful individual under the employ of another, because he really didn't want to try and take over the galaxy. It was hard enough the first time on his home-world. He was thankful that he moved some of his replacement limbs and Sharingans to his other dimension. Otherwise, he would have to actually go and find his home-world just to get to his lab for the replacement parts it stored.

You might be asking yourself, 'just where is Tobi'?

Tobi, in a fit of supremely powered teleportation and inter-dimensional travel, appeared in the scum hole of the galaxy.

A little asteroid station called Omega.

He appeared in a burst of energy that alerted all near the event, though he appeared in a dark alleyway, so no one actually saw him appear. At first, he panicked, if only for an instant. He retreated into his 'Tobi' persona as a self-defense mechanism. And 'Tobi' wouldn't be caught dead without his mask. He just so happened to have his old mask on hand, the one-eyed spirally one, a mask that Tobi greatly liked, in his childish manner. His newer mask had been destroyed by the Kyuubi brat.

His eyes were sound, both Rinnegan and Sharingan, as was his body. His technique had worked after all, shielding him from harm. However, his clothes weren't so lucky. However, he always kept spares in his other dimension. He quickly Kamui'd a set of clothes in front of him, complete with Akatsuki cloak.

After all of this, he looked around and truly saw where he was for the first time. He gazed around in awe at the sights of Omega, 'Tobi' was pleased, and let it show. He threw his arms in the air and ran around quickly, excitedly, too quickly for the denizens of Omega to believe.

He ran out into the hustle and bustle of the actual 'streets'. With his constant running, and his mask, the people assumed he was a criminal on the run, as though that were anything new on Omega. He, on the other hand, was ecstatic and confused by the presence of both people (Humans) and monsters (Any other species).

He ran about and generally acted Tobi-ish for quite a while, until a group of monsters and people showed up wearing white and blue armor. Though he didn't know it at the time, this was a group of mercenaries calling themselves the Blue Suns.

Coincidentally, he couldn't understand them but they could understand him. Apparently his native language was startlingly similar to Japanese, a language that most basic translators translated.

Calling a group of heavily armed mercenaries 'monsters' and other things that they looked like (Birdies, lizards, 4 eyed weirdos, etc, etc) in a lawless place like Omega seems stupid, and it was. But, it was also something that Tobi did, all the time.

They quickly decided to gun him down, and it was only because of Tobi's intangibility that he survived. Those weapons they were using were _fast_ too, like really, _really_ fast. I'm talking Fourth Hokage on a good day fast; fast as light fast. (Mass Effect weapons.)

Yet he had fought the Yondaime on a good day, on a great day even, and he had still survived, so it was no wonder that he had seen the projectiles and turned intangible.

The Sharingan could only just barely make out these tiny, insignificant projectiles. But even bugs sting if you hit them at sixty miles an hour, and these things were far faster than any explosive that Deidara made could throw him.

Tobi had frowned at their hostile display of trying to murder him where he stood. Then he killed them with his kunai. The shock of him not dying, combined with their truly terrible speed, enabled him to kill them all very easily. Then some of the bystanders, whom he just realized were also wearing white and blue armor, also started shooting at him, so he had to kill them too. And the next guys, and the next guys, and the next guys.

Some of the more innocent (A relative term) bystanders fled for their lives. But Tobi just sat down next to a pile of corpses and started taking their stuff. It was a fairly logical thing to do, as far as shinobi are considered. Boy was he surprised when he slipped on one of their bracelets and a orange glow arm appeared around his arm. Then he realized that he could understand some of the people's moaning and screaming around him.

They weren't monsters! They were just really, really, really ugly people that spoke anther language! And this awesome orange arm let him understand them! It had to be an awesome ninja tool to work like that! He bet they were really rare and cost a fortune!

So he stripped all of their corpses of anything of value. _Anything _of value.

Then a blue lady showed up, with really weird hair and a lot more monster-people.

She said something like she was 'Aria' the 'Queen of Omega' and she 'demanded to know who was shooting up the side of her club and why'.

That was AWESOME! His first day in this place and he already met a queen!

So he waved at her from the pile of corpses and blood he was sitting on and said, "Hi blue lady! These guys tried to kill me! But they weren't very good at it."

He then laughed. A great laugh to have as a child, but an incredibly creepy laugh to have as a 34 year old.

The next few hours after that were a blur of activity. He wouldn't stop pestering Aria, he recalled, but eventually Aria just stopped trying to make him stop pestering her and just started to accept him.

It came at the cost of doing a few jobs for her for free, but he was fine with it.

Aria really helped him out, she basically introduced him to the galaxy, the people and species in the galaxy, and how to act in it (he ignored that part) and all he had to do was be her personal slave. Well, slaves aren't paid. So more like... insane, inane butler that also kills people when asked to. He even saved her life once. He got some special privileges after that, especially considering his complete and utter 'loyalty' to her.

After watching him fight a few times, she commented on his biotics. He had no idea what they were, to be honest, but then Aria showed him hers. Then he made the connection between her, biotics, and the odd enemy that would glow blue. They still died just as easily, but they glowed blue. Apparently, biotics were a rather widespread bloodline across the galaxy. She connected his control over gravity (Rinnegan) to biotics. She also connected his speed to perfect control of and almost constant use of 'biotic charge.' Even despite the fact that he didn't glow blue, even though he wanted to. But ninja can't glow blue... that isn't very ninja-ish. It also explained his massive eating habits and extraordinary metabolism.

She ignored everything else he did with his chakra as just something 'Tobi did'.

"Hey Tobi, get in here!"

He forcefully dragged himself out of his memories by shaking his head. That was Aria, calling him from inside her personal room at the Afterlife. He likes to cling to the wall just above the window, to better make impressive entrances. He had, up to this point, not been able to make any impressive entrances because Aria had yet to call him in during a meeting. But today she did!

He flung himself down through the window, and then jumped up on the edge to throw himself into the air. He activated the confetti launchers that he had hid in the room without Aria's permission and used the banner that he had installed with Aria's permission.

The banner swung down from behind him, covering the entirety of the open space. It just said, 'TOBI!'

He, on the other hand, had screamed, "I'm Tobi!" as he crashed to the ground just behind Aria, who was lounging on her awesomely comfortable couch.

The silence he caused in the room was deafening. Most of the room, and the people in the room covered in confetti, too shocked to even try to get it off.

Aria sighed heavily, she didn't even look at him. She was coated almost head to toe in confetti, yet still managed a serious face and a perfect calm.

"Really Tobi?" Aria asked, "Confetti?"

He nodded excitedly, "I think it made my entrance awesome!" he then pouted, "C'mon, 'Ria, you didn't even look at the banner!" he pointed out childishly.

He then looked behind him to point at the banner as though she didn't know which one he was referring to... then he sweat-dropped and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.

The banner was upside down.

"On second thought, don't look at the banner." he said, "Can I try again, 'Ria? It... really didn't work out the way I wanted it to."

Aria sighed again, he had picked up that pet name for her after the second time he heard her name, and no amount of threats made him stop. And no amount of bullets seemed to hurt him, so she was at an impasse.

"Tobi," she started, very patiently as though she was a parent explaining things to a misbehaving child, "I want you to escort these fine people-" she indicated the 3 people in the room that weren't also her guards, "-to where they want to go. They need to find Dr. Mordin Solus and Archangel."

The three people being an angry looking red head with murder in her eyes, and confetti all over her, a cool-as-ice woman with a spandex bodysuit, and a heavy-built soldier in the back rubbing his forehead in exasperation. You could tell they were suspicious of everyone in the room, mostly him because of his mask. The tension would have been palpable, had Tobi not been distracting them all.

"Okie dokie, 'Ria!" he yelled, with a single fist in the air.

"How do you put up with this guy?" the woman seated at the couch said, already pinching the bridge of her nose.

She was so pretty! Red hair, white skin, tired green eyes that just screamed 'Fuck you!'. This woman was certainly a soldier, definitely a badass, and probably wanted to kill him.

Aria sighed again, suddenly looking very tired, she only really seemed to do that around him, he noticed.

"He grows on you, over a long time, but he does grow on you. He's also one of my most successful men, despite being... childish. I don't think he's ever failed a job... except for that one time when the job was disabling a bomb in a warehouse. Tobi had screamed, 'I can do it!' and then just ran in. Shortly thereafter, the building fucking blew up. We're still not sure how he survived that, or really anything."

Tobi laughed nervously, "Technically, I did disable the bomb."

"The bomb blew up!" Aria snapped at him.

"Yeah! And now its disabled, and won't ever blow up!" he declared.

"Enough! Just show these people to where they need to go, and don't die on the way there, or get them killed!"

Tobi saluted in a brisk, stiff manner, "Yes ma'am!" he turned to the 3 clients and said, "Follow me!" He then ran towards the door, "To glory!"


	2. A New Adventure for Tobi!

Jane Shepard was incredibly irritated. This 'Tobi' character was just way much too much, far beyond anyone she has ever met. Saren wasn't nearly as irritating, and she had been allowed to shoot at him to help alleviate some stress. But 'Tobi' was Aria's man, and you 'don't fuck with Aria'. That rule, presumably, also applied to the people under her command.

She and her team, the Cerberus operatives Miranda Lawson and Jacob Taylor, left to go and follow Tobi. Aria didn't give them directions, she just told them to follow Tobi. Shepard was almost 100% positive that Aria just wanted Tobi out of her... hair-tentacle things for a while. She was way too stressed out to deal with him.

Seriously! Dying, revived by Cerberus, being attacked by swarms of angry mechs, the dicking around on Freedom's Progress, meeting Tali again, saving a crazy Quarian from Miranda, and then she's thrust into the galaxy to gather a team to stop the Collectors, and hopefully the Reapers. Way, way, way too much stress.

And then you add Tobi to the equation. He acts like a 7 year old.

She looked down at the club and raised an eyebrow. Wasn't Tobi supposed to be leading them? She couldn't even see him, and the man was very distinctive.

Great, not even 12 seconds and she's lost the man-child.

She sighed deeply and walked towards the front door, maybe he had just went outside?

Miranda chose a particularly spectacular time to walk up to her side and say lowly, "I suppose now is a bad time to mention that Tobi is one of the dossiers that The Illusive Man sent you for your team."

She twitched in anger, "Yes, now would be a _bad fucking time to tell me that!_ Is he even good at anything?"

Miranda's lips twitched into what she just knew was a smirk at her expense, "Commander, I'm sure you know the benefits of having a potential foe underestimate you. Aria said he was one of her best men, he might be just playing the fool."

"Uh, I'm not so sure." Jacob interjected, "I think I've heard of him when I was with the Alliance."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

He frowned in thought, "Yeah, something about a man on Omega who was seemingly invincible, but acted like a fool."

"Actually, Commander," Miranda continued, "Cerberus has had him under observation as a person of interest for almost 9 months now. Ever since he managed to sneak his way into the Council Chambers."

"Wha-"

"A story for a later time," Miranda said, "We don't even have much information on the event. What I do know is that Tobi has collected a rather impressive collection of monikers. Death Jester, Immortal Fool, the Queen's Clown, and, the last one's a bit strange, 'Uchiha Madara, head of the Uchiha Clan'. However, there is no record of such a man, or even a clan by that name."

The crowds were irritating, but they were forcing their way through. It was slow going though. Where the hell did Tobi go? They were also getting strange glances from some of the patrons, for no discernible reason.

"Hmm, is there anything you can tell me about his abilities?" Shepard asked.

"Common conjecture is that he is a powerful and very skilled biotic, though he lacks some distinctive traits of a biotic. He retains the increased appetite of one, but does not possess a blue glow around him when he uses biotics. We do know that he can move quickly, presumably by using his biotics to lower his mass. The closest analogy would be that he uses Biotic Charge constantly, but does not use it in the traditional manner as an offensive attack, but rather a transportation technique."

Shepard nodded, "That seems useful. Too valuable to not give him a chance just because he irritates me. Hell, you Cerberus bastards worry me more than Tobi does. Why I sent Zaeed to the ship is beyond me."

"YAY! Tobi gets to join Sheppy on a super-cool mission!" someone, presumably Tobi, yelled from right... above them.

A shadow fell off of the wall right above to them, and landed silently, with absolutely zero sound, right next to them. The shadow was Tobi. Tobi was pleased.

He did a small victory dance and said, "I always wanted to go and see the galaxy, meet new people, and kill them." He sniffed in an exaggerated manner, "Is that too much to ask Sheppy?" he threw an arm over Shepard's shoulder and cried deeply into it.

By this time they were right in front of the doors, so Shepard pushed him off and walked through them. Strangely, Tobi was already outside when the team walked out.

"You won't be disappointed Senpai! Tobi is a good boy, Zetsu said so!" Tobi declared, holding a pose.

Shepard sighed, she could really see how Aria sighed so often, you can't really get too mad at Tobi because he clearly has a problem so you just had to accept him. It was vastly more difficult than Aria let on.

"Fine Tobi, we'll see how you do. Now, which do you recommend going to first? Mordin or Archangel?"

"Well..." Tobi started slowly, "That really depends! Do you want them to survive?"

Shepard nodded, "Preferably."

"Oh, then we should probably go get Archangel first. He's like super good at fighting! But even Kage's can be taken down by armies!"

"What's the situation?" Shepard asked seriously.

"He's surrounded by all of the mercenary groups on Omega. Blood Pack, Blue Suns, Eclipse, all of them!" Tobi cheerily announced.

"Lead on Tobi, we need to get there quick."

"Righto! This way!" Tobi then ran away at a manageable pace for civilians. (Non-shinobi.)

However, he was running back into Afterlife. The other 3 groaned and followed him, they would be lying if they said that the thought that Tobi was going to ask Aria for directions didn't cross their minds.

Thankfully, he just lead them into a side room where a man was standing at a terminal.

Tobi waved them to the Batarian, and Shepard went to talk with him. He, Jacob, and Miranda stayed back when the 2 of them talked. Once Shepard pointed out Tobi, the BS shortly quit. It wasn't a particularly long conversation, though there was a terrible joke about strippers. Eventually, Shepard got directions to the vehicle depot outside.

They started to leave when the recruiter sent in the next guy, some shrimpy human with a tiny pistol. Tobi never really cared for the guns, he preferred his jutsu and blades. The kid looked like he'd crap his pants before he even went into battle.

And, of course, Tobi tripped him. He landed hard too, hard enough to cause bleeding on his forehead. Tobi giggled as the man angrily stood and brandished his pistol. Then, his eyes widened, he cursed, and fled as fast as he could.

Shepard angrily turned to Tobi, "What the hell was that?"

Tobi replied, "Funny!"

She jammed her finger in his chest and said, dangerously, "Don't. Do it again."

Tobi recoiled as though physically struck, and started crying into his hands.

Shepard growled, "Miranda, call Zaeed to the Afterlife."

"On it Commander."

"And you," Shepard started, pointing at Tobi, "Why did I even need you if it was that easy?"

He sniffled a few more times, "B-but Sheppy!" he leaned in and whispered, "Now you can pull off a super-sneaky ninja move by stabbing them in the back!" he then giggled as only an insane man is capable of.

Shepard growled again, she was really angry, he noticed.

Shepard tried to calm herself, and succeeded somewhat. Tobi's idea was good, even if Shepard had already thought of it within seconds of realizing who she was talking to.

"Let's go!" she ordered.

Miranda and Jacob walked after her as she stomped angrily towards the front door. Meanwhile, Tobi was grinning behind his mask and skipping as he followed.

**(A/N – I'm going to keep the chapter length short. I tried having large chapters in other stories, but all that does is slow the creation process and VASTLY increase my stress levels. I would also like to point out that while I am a fan of the series, I do not own the Mass Effect video games. I will be writing by the wikia site's game guide and appropriate videos.)**


	3. Tobi's Story, or Some of it!

"Holy shit, Commander. When I signed on I knew I was gonna be seeing some action, but I never thought I'd be fighting with a _legend_." That was the first thing Zaeed said when he was told that Tobi would be working with them for this mission.

After Tobi was finished scaring the piss out of that poor, stupid child looking to go fight Archangel, Shepard had taken them to the vehicle depot, where they would be getting a ride to Archangel's location. Zaeed was already waiting for them when they showed up. Shepard immediately walked towards the Batarian in charge of the free ride, and Zaeed fell in behind her with the group.

"Zaeed, get ready, we're going after Archangel." Shepard greeted the old mercenary.

"Aye, aye, Commander." the grizzled veteran replied.

Shepard went and spoke with the Batarian and the group stood back.

Zaeed scanned the other 3 people that Shepard had with her. He had already met Jacob and Miranda earlier when they had hired him, but the newest man was an oddity.

"Tobi." Zaeed neutrally greeted him, "Why are you here?"

"ZAY! How you doin'?" Tobi enthusiastically greeted, which was really Tobi's only setting when doing things. Enthusiasm.

"I'm fine Tobi, now why are you here?"

"'Ria told me to show Sheppy around!" Tobi declared.

Miranda put her 2 cents in, "If Tobi does a good job and avoids irritating Shepard overly much, he will also be joining us on the Normandy."

Shepard walked up to the group, "Alright, everyone on the shuttle." the group turned as one and followed Shepard into the tight shuttle.

Zaeed shook his head incredulously, "Holy shit, Commander. When I signed on I knew I was gonna be seeing some action, but I never thought I'd be fighting with a _legend._" he said lowly enough that Tobi couldn't hear, or so he thought.

Tobi hadn't gotten into the shuttle, he was outside the door and peering curiously in.

"I don't think there's enough room, Sheppy!" Tobi declared shortly, "Go on ahead, I'll meet you there!"

"Fine by me." Shepard muttered, she turned to the Batarian driver, "Get going, he'll catch up."

The driver didn't care, to be totally honest. So he just started up the shuttle and flew away, leaving Tobi waving after them in an enthusiastic manner.

The moment the shuttle disappeared from his view, Tobi stopped waving. He looked around carefully, seeing if anyone was watching him, before he ducked into a dark, empty alley. He went into the deep shadows, and watched the mouth of the alley for a few moments. No one rushed into the alley after him, and he couldn't see anyone watching him so Tobi activated his teleportation technique and landed in another alley in a complete different part of Omega, one closer to Archangel's position.

His teleportation technique was really just a variant of Kamui that he used on his body, instead of like Kakashi who used it as an offensive and even defensive weapon. Tobi was very protective of his techniques, even though he wouldn't expect anyone to copy what he doing. The aliens, and even the humans, had incredibly small chakra reserves. Smaller than any civilian he had ever seen, but it was still detectable by the Rinnegan. He couldn't even sense it with more normal sensory techniques, he had to actually look at them with his Rinnegan eye. It was a good thing that the Rinnegan could see through thin objects like his mask because he wouldn't take it off for such a small reason.

His Rinnegan eye rendered all cloaking techniques useless, they can be invisible to anyone's eye, but he could still see the chakra. Hell, even the Sharingan could see chakra, but he needed the Rinnegan's sensitivity to chakra to actually see it in others, their chakra was that minute.

He has yet to use most of his techniques in this place, they really just weren't necessary. There wasn't a single person in the entire galaxy skilled enough to warrant most techniques. Only large groups required his techniques, and that was only because killing them piecemeal would be too time-consuming. He has yet to use his Wood Release, partially because it was useless in an all-metal environment like Omega and partially because he had yet to be in a situation that warranted it. He occasionally used his Chakra Disruption Rods in combat, because they just looked like sticks of dark metal to other people. His Chakra Chains, gifted by the Statue of the Outer Path, were also fairly useful in combat. They can create an impenetrable barrier and kill people easily, and all he needed to say was that he had a launcher hidden in his sleeve. Given some of the other things he can pull out of his cloak, people just accepted that answer. He was also fairly partial to Giant Windmill Shuriken, they were unexpected but not impossible. And they moved slow enough to not activate the kinetic barriers on armor, yet they can cleave through their armor like so much paper.

Tobi's favorite technique, Hiding Like A Mole as he dubbed it, was unfortunately useless on Omega. Any other planet and he could do it easily, but not through solid metal.

Tobi never used guns, he didn't really see the appeal in them. They just made you useless in melee combat, here Tobi excelled. He was fast enough to dodge the firearms so he could get into close combat. He used some kunai he stashed in his dimension, as well as his shuriken, but he never needed more than that in ranged combat so far.

And, with the three years largely removed from plotting and intense fighting of the sort that ninja were renowned for, Tobi had been working on his Chakra Control, as well as his Elemental Releases. He could confidently declare that he was one of the most powerful ninja in the Shinobi World before his 'banishment' but now, he was easily that strongest. Provided his recent lack of experience with ninja didn't hamper his abilities, though fighting against Mass Effect weapons made you fast and a great dodger, there wasn't a single person that was worth actually fighting as a shinobi.

Deception was his primary weapon, it always was, and it is now.

He even altered his own Extranet page to sow even more confusion and disinformation. How? By telling the truth. While hidden and very rarely read, his personal page read thus:

**Extranet Search:** Tobi

Tobi is no fool. A consummate ninja, he never lets on what he is thinking or feeling. The concept of 'underneath the underneath' is not just applicable to analyzing his enemies, it is how Tobi lives his life. Hiding things under his layers of masks. He hides his face under his swirled mask. He hides his intelligence behind his mask of foolishness. He hides his deadliness beneath his mask of reputation: 'Tobi is a clumsy fool'. If you've ever met Tobi, you've _never_ truly known what he was thinking or what his goals were. A truly mysterious man. Every act of idiocy that you've seen was actually a carefully thought out plan to make you underestimate him. If you saw him throwing himself into a dangerous situation with no regard for the safety of himself or his teammates, he was making a constructed, convoluted effort to show a front that he _wants_ you to see and _nothing_ else. Not once was he in any danger of losing his life, he had planned for every possible situation that might come up before his headlong charge into danger. Whatever you think of Tobi is wrong. He is manipulative and cunning. No one knows what thoughts go on behind his mask and, hopefully, we never will. And for the love of whatever God you believe in, don't _ever_ call Tobi a bad boy.

**End**

He loved doing that. He threw everyone off balance with that. Some expect a manipulative genius, but most expect a fool. And those who expect a manipulative genius find that fool, those looking for the fool find the genius. But none who had ever seen his genius had lived.

He was known for his dickery, but all expected something different than what he showed them. Thus, they failed. They failed because they planed for the wrong eventualities. They failed because the lynchpin of their plan, Tobi, wasn't what they thought it was.

In the midst of technology, space travel, and galactic warfare... Tobi knocks everything off-kilter.

And he loved it.

With the Team

"So..." Shepard started slowly, "Tobi's a legend?"

Zaeed nodded solemnly, "Most mercenaries get known because of bad things. Very few become famous for good deeds. But Tobi? He's known for doing whatever the hell strikes his fancy. And succeeding in it."

"Is there anything you can tell me about him?" Shepard asked, very serious.

"He showed up outta no-where 3 years ago. Slaughtered a bunch of Blue Suns with his bare hands and a knife. Aria showed up and, so the stories go, he irritated her until she gave him a suicide mission. Gave him the usual jazz, 'great reward' and all that. But, Tobi came back alive and successful. That went on for at least a month. Aria decided, 'If I can't get rid of him, I might as well take advantage of him'. Since then, the 2 have been on good terms. Tobi freelances all of the time, but his primary employer is Aria."

Shepard groaned, "Shit." she summed it up.

A skillful mercenary, known throughout the Terminus Systems not just for being skilled, but for being unknown. He was a fool, but was it genuine? Everything about the man suggests contradiction: foolish, successful, childish, murderer, mysterious, oh-so-very obvious, famous, totally unknown. It sounds like a bad movie.

The rest of the short trip to Archangel's location was spent with Zaeed telling the rest of the group of some of Tobi's exploits. They were rather impressive, considering the emphasis the stories placed on just how exactly _random_ Tobi's success was.

Hostage situation? Tobi threw a knife, hitting the gun in the criminal's hand, which then shot a round, the round then ricocheted around the room once or twice before being buried in the Batarian's skull. Tobi claimed he was aiming for his non-existent nose.

Rampaging YMIR Mech? Tobi threw a knife at it, the knife bounced off of the armor and landed in front of the mech, Tobi ran away, the mech took a step forward, landed on the knife, slipped, fell, and self-destructed. Tobi claimed it was his plan all along.

Krogan Rampage? Tobi threw a stick at him, no one knows where Tobi found the small, black metal stick, but he threw it at the Krogan and it went straight under his head-plate, killing him. Tobi claimed that his lucky stick had never failed him before.

Drunken brawl? Tobi won. How? Everyone fell over everyone else trying to get to him, then fists stared flying among his pursuers. Tobi claimed that he thought they had wanted to play tag with him.

Shepard was off-put by the stories. She wasn't sure what to make of them, or Tobi. Was he lying? Did he do what he did on purpose, some whim? Or did he generally have no idea what he was doing, and lucked out fabulously?

She sighed. She can definitely see why Aria looked so aged by Tobi's mere presence. The boy-man-child was a magnet for trouble, and then he survives. She was seriously considering not taking Tobi onto the ship, but judging by Zaeed's description of Tobi, she might just take him along, if only for his seemingly fantastic luck.

She looked out the small window the shuttle provided, they were fairly close to the location, or so the driver had said.

She looked at the pad and narrowed her eyes. She shook her head then rubbed her eyes to clear them and looked again. But it was no illusion, Tobi was on the pad waving at them enthusiastically.

How the hell did he get there before them? He must have known a short-cut or had access to a fast ship, and even then that was slim. The location wasn't very far away, only 3 minutes tops, and they had had a head start of at least 30 seconds.

That must have been a fast ship, Shepard mused.

**(A/N – regarding Tobi's age: Kakashi graduated from the academy at age 5, Obito was in his class and graduated at age 9. Kakashi was 29-30 during the 4th Shinobi World War, so Tobi was 33-34 at the time. Therefore, Tobi is age 37 because I added the 3 years under Aria and in Omega. Tobi's old... Shepard was born in 2154 and the second game take place in 2185: she is age 31. However, due to deadness, she is actually closer to 29 because the first game takes place in 2183.)**

**Conclusion: **

**Tobi = 37 years old.**

**Shepard = 29 years old.**


	4. GARY!

"The pinnacle of military disposition approaches the formless. For if you do not have discernible form, then even the deepest spy cannot reveal it, nor the wise lay plans against it. Thus you may concentrate your forces, and strike while your enemy remains fragmented." - Sun Tzu.

Tobi loved this quote, he had ever since he found the man and his writings. Whether he knew it or not, this man not only accurately described the way shinobi should fight, but also described the exact manner in which Tobi lived his everyday life. Coincidentally, it is also how Tobi fights.

While Tobi enjoyed this quote, he also found a few others to be thoroughly enjoyable. Such as, 'Take whatever isn't nailed down and it's yours.' and 'It's not cheating if you don't get caught.'

An example of the former being that Tobi pretty much takes everything and anything that he finds, even useless things. Some may call it hoarding, but Tobi just thought of himself as over-prepared. He never actually thought it would get to the point when his other dimension started to feel crowded, but it was coming on like a freight train. An example of the latter being any gambling game at all. Given a certain amount of time watching, Tobi can memorize the order of the cards, ensuring his victory. Massively overpowered they may or my not be, but sudden and unexplainable photographic memory was just perfect for card games. He honestly had no idea how the Uchiha clan didn't rake in money by the wheelbarrow... oh wait, yes he did: they're all dead. Hahahaha!

Suffice to say, no one let's Tobi play cards with them anymore.

Tobi is saddened by the lack of card games.

However, now isn't the time for suspiciously intelligent and humorous filler!

Tobi was busy waving at Shepard, the black guy, the old guy, and the lady with no decency!

Shepard, Jacob, Zaeed, and Miranda were getting out of their shuttle, and the Batarian driver turns out to have a name! His name is Salkie. Tobi had the sudden and inexplicable urge to pet him and murmur, 'Good Salkie, gooood.'

Tobi skipped over to the team and stood just behind Salkie.

Salkie was talking to the team, something about how, "It's about time they sent me someone who looks like they can actually fight!" and that, "They tell you what we're up against?"

Tobi was of the opinion that Salkie was going to die.

Shepard told Salkie that, "The recruiter was a little vague."

That was certainly true! Actually, no, it wasn't. The recruiter didn't mention the situation at all, just that they would be fighting Archangel. So technically, the recruiter wasn't vague.

However, Salkie, God bless his soon-to-be-tragically-mutilated heart, decided to tell them all about good-ole Archangel! The name was confusing, to be honest, the guy was a turian. Turians are not angels, nor are they human.

Apparently, Archangel was in a very secure building with only a small bridge connecting to the place. Good for him! Strategic thinking at its finest, as the guy has killed many, many poor, stupid mercenaries. Had Tobi half a mind to collect the bounty, he'd just teleport in, kill everyone, and teleport out with Archangel's body. Because apparently, his head wasn't good enough.

Shepard quickly ended her talk with the Batarian, who jumped in surprise when he saw Tobi behind him. You'd think everyone on Omega would be used to him by now, it's been 3 years, but they were a jumpy, paranoid lot. Thank the various and diverse spirits and gods that he didn't actually care about their feelings, otherwise it would be far less funny.

Shepard stalked off like the awful predator she was, seriously she was loud as hell, and Tobi fell in behind her along with the team. Surprisingly, no one challenged them. Shepard found herself an unoccupied corner and called a team meeting there.

"Alright," Shepard began, "Anyone have any suggestions?"

"Those mechs and gunships EDI told us about should be our first priority." Miranda smoothly informed.

"Going across the bridge is suicide already, no sense in making it back across more difficult." Zaeed commented.

"You know anything that can help, Tobi?" Shepard asked.

"Nnnope!" Tobi enthusiastically told them.

Shepard sighed, "Of course not." her tone became harder, more determined, "Alright, here's what going to happen: we'll sabotage the mechs, break their gunship, save Archangel, and then kick these mercenaries' asses. Any questions?" seeing no volunteers for a Shepard-ing, she said, "Good. Miranda, you take the mechs, Jacob go with her. Zaeed, you and I will see if there's anything around here worth looting, or if we can damage the mercenaries gunship. Tobi... what can you even do?"

"Uh..." Tobi started, trying to think, not really helping his case either, "I can cause a distraction!" he declared, raising a fist into the air, which soon withered under the collective scare, "Or uh, maybe I could kill some of the mercenaries?" he asked.

Shepard sighed again, apparently Tobi was just a fighter, with no tech ability to speak of. An assassin too, and apparently a good one. But assassins aren't of very much use in a battle... though they weren't in a battle yet. All was fair in love and war, and sending Tobi to kill her enemies solves 2 problems: 1) Tobi wasn't near her. 2) the mercenaries were dying.

"Alright Tobi, take out some of the mercenaries. But don't alert them, take out only the ones you can get without alerting the whole lot of them." Shepard commanded him.

She looked up, and he was gone, the others staring off towards a nearby door, one that looked suspiciously damaged. Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose again, 'Damnation.' she muttered.

She walked off, Zaeed following. Miranda and Jacob stayed behind a moment before going off in the same direction. They were going the same way, of course.

They passed some of the mercs planning, but they didn't raise a fuss about them being there. They passed a room full of mechs, and Miranda went with Jacob to sabotage them. Shepard and Zaeed wandered around picking up much of the spare, and not-so-spare, equipment the merc outfits had lying around. A quick chat with Tarak revealed some information, as well as some plans. Not once did they see Tobi, but they came across his handiwork once or twice.

Zaeed and Shepard were walking down a hallway hen they saw it: a rather large bloodstain, splattered across the wall. Not too common a sight on Omega, but common enough to not warrant alarm. However, this bloodstain was fresh, recent, you could still smell the coppery tang of blood. They opened another random door on their quest for stuff and then Boom: Batarian carcass.

The man looked like someone came up behind him and sliced his throat open, and then stabbed the body straight through the armor hitting multiple vital internal organs. A check of the man's eyes revealed cloudiness: a quality of death. But, there was no fear in them. Whoever did this had done it so fast as to prevent the target from even knowing he was going to die. That was _fast._

Shepard crouched down to further investigate the body, "Hmm, a knife sliced through this armor. How the hell did that happen?"

"Perhaps it was a very sharp knife, Commander?" Zaeed suggested, slightly joking.

"It must have been... and the only person I've seen use a knife for fighting in this century is Tobi. Ugh, he did this."

"Hmm, kid does good work." Zaeed commented.

"And I did order him to do this. He even hid the body well. You can tell by the relative silence that no alarms were sent."

They both paused, waiting in silence for an alarm that never came.

"We better get going Commander. This assault won't wait for us."

They met up with Miranda and Jacob closer to the bridge, you could tell. The gunshots were fairly obvious, after all. This Archangel was no slouch with his sniper rifle, multiple dead littered the area. A quick check of the bodies revealed that no, Tobi wasn't dea-

"HI Shepard!"

That was the very much alive Tobi... still alive, and very loud.

"Hello, Tobi." Shepard replied, subdued.

Everyone had to be subdued, especially in comparison to Tobi. The man-child was a walking happy machine, despite his apparent homicidal tendencies... Is it even homicide when a man kills an alien?

The team found cover from Archangel's gunshots in the form of large metal walls. Large metal walls were notoriously difficult to penetrate with hand held weapons, the mercenaries were smart taking cover behind them. 'Smart' being a relative term, as some were still shooting at Archangel from behind cover despite the distance and danger.

Surprisingly, Tobi wasn't receiving much attention at all. He had found himself some Blue Suns armor and strapped it on over his overcoat. It looked ridiculous, frankly, as the armor didn't cover much at all. Tobi had only strapped on a chest piece, his distinctive coat and mask were still plainly visible, yet the man blended in well. No one even looked at the man twice.

What Shepard didn't know was that using Genjutsu in such a silly manner was hilarious to Tobi. Making Shepard confused was almost as fun as making Aria try to kill him! And only slightly less dangerous to his personal health.

Shepard asked some random human where Sergeant Cathka was and was pointed in the right direction. Turns out, the guy was a Batarian fixing up a gunship.

Sergeant Cathka introduced himself in a rather strange way, Shepard would be the first to point out.

He just muttered, 'Sergeant... Cathka..." without even looking at her, like he just mumbled his name for no reason.

He turned and looked at Shepard, "Ah, you must be the group Salkie mentioned. You're just in time."

"Were you waiting for us?" Shepard asked.

Completely ignoring her question, he continued, "The Infiltration Team is about to give us the signal. Archangel won't know what hit him. Got any questions? This may be your last chance."

"Are you leading the assault?" Shepard asked.

"Ha! Tarak doesn't pay me to fight, just plan the attack and fix the damn gunship. You Freelancers get the privilege of-" Cathka was cut off by a team reporting in over the communicators, Cathka turned and told them, "Check Bravo Team. Go, go, go!"

Cathka grunted, "Archangel's got quite a surprise waiting for him." he sighed, "But that means no more waiting for me, gotta get her back to 100% before Tarak decided he needs her again."

Shepard didn't even say a word as she left, ducking under the gunship. However, Tobi walked past her and ducked under the gunship just after her. She looked back but couldn't see much, just their legs. It was easy to tell what happened, however, as Tobi's legs went up to immediately behind Cathka, quiet as a shadow, and suddenly he lunged and a brutal SNAP was heard. Tobi then lowered Cathka's corpse to the ground, very gently. Tobi just went and snapped a Batarian's neck in an instant, something that Shepard knew from experience was quite difficult. The guy had been wearing armor too, likely with struts to prevent the head from turning too far in one direction or the other.

That settles it, behind the mask of an idiot child this guy was a brutal killer. A strong brutal killer at that.

Shepard glanced towards Tobi as he walked past, silently giving her a thumbs up as he went. She couldn't really fault him, she had ordered him to do that. He had also made their job substantially more easy, given how easily, quickly, and silently he took out Cathka there was no telling how many mercs killed. She also didn't really ever have any reservations about killing her enemies, it was part of the job. But, she was a soldier above all else, she knew strategy when she saw it. Killing a man without so much as a flinch was the mark of a killer; soldier, butcher, assassin, it didn't matter. From the professional's side of her, she couldn't help but admire the technique and grace the man clearly possessed. From her more people-friendly side, she was slightly concerned.

_'No time to moralize, Shepard,'_ she silently berated herself, '_There's work to do.'_

Her team walked to the edge of cover, and glanced around the corner at the freelancers charging towards Archangel. With a well-placed shot, one of the mercs went down easily and then another. Archangel was good at his job.

Shepard jumped down the small ledge, Miranda, Tobi, Jacob, and Zaeed close behind her.

"Come on, we'll give these guys a surprise of our own."

With that, weapons were pulled. A trio of assault rifles gunned down the few mercs left after Archangel's barrage, a pistol barely adding its own roar to the cacophony. Jacob, Zaeed, and Shepard didn't even use carefully aimed bursts, the mercs were close enough for accurate full-auto fire. Miranda's pistol was sadly lacking in relative firepower. Tobi, however, didn't even shoot a gun, Shepard doubted he even owned one. He just drew a black, metal tick from the sleeve of his coat, and accurately threw it at the furthest mercenary, impaling the man easily. The rest were dead within moments. Suspiciously, Archangel's fire seemed to center mostly on Tobi the moment he appeared. However, the rounds didn't appear to affect him.

The team ran into the building, Zaeed and Jacob staying on the lower floor to keep any reinforcements out. Tobi, Miranda, and Shepard ran up the stairs towards Archangel, with Tobi keeping the lead easily. There was a pair of mercenaries on the second floor, and Tobi leaped towards the nearest and punched him straight in his unprotected face, sending the man sprawling to the ground at Tobi's feet. A quick knife throw towards the other merc sent his rounds off course as he fell to the ground dead, the knife having gone unimpeded through his kinetic barriers and into his helmet-less face. A chain suddenly sprouted from Tobi's sleeve and into the merc at his feet's chest, bursting it wide open. The man died of blood loss in a few moments, the pistol clutched in his hand suddenly useless.

Shepard walked towards the door, "Next time stay behind me, not only could I have shot you in the back, you don't even have a gun."

Tobi sniffed loudly, "I'm sorry Shepard!" he then cried into his hands.

Shepard growled lowly in her throat, and Tobi backed up, putting his hands up to forestall rage.

"Let's go." she growled.

Miranda followed after her as she went to open the door, but Tobi called out, "Wait Sheppy! This armor is annoying, can I take it off?"

"Ugh, go ahead." she said.

He sat down on the floor right where he was and made a great show of trying to pull off the armor, he even tried to use his feet.

She didn't even wait for him, she opened the door and walked over towards Archangel's door.

Opening it, she walked in and called, "Archangel?"

The turian in the corner was obviously her man.

Her rifle and Miranda's pistol were trained on him the whole time, until Archangel raised a hand, forestalling their advance. Exhaling lowly, he pulled the trigger, ending another stupid merc.

The turian stood up, and walked towards Shepard. He pulled off his helmet and sat on on of the chairs.

As it turns out, the turian was Garrus.

"Shepard." the self-same man greeted, "I thought you were dead."

"Garrus? Since when are you Archangel?"

"Heh. Good to see you too." he remarked.

"I'm just surprised to see you." Shepard defended.

"You and me both, it's always nice to see a friendly face."

They both heard loud sniffling from behind Garrus.

"That's... so beautiful." Tobi took out a tissue box and somehow blew his nose through his mask.

Garrus turned around, his sniper rifle aimed and ready. He had the rifle aimed right at Tobi, but hesitated. After a moment of tense stand-off, he lowered the rifle.

"Damnit Shepard, working with a merc? And Tobi of all people?" Garrus asked.

"No, he's just a guide, really."

"That hurts Shepard, right here where my heart would be if I had one." Tobi indicated the place on his chest, and then sniffled loudly some more.

"Tobi would have been the first to die had he not been Aria's man." Garrus mentioned.

"Why is that?" Miranda asked.

"We've met before." Garrus stated.

"Yep, a few months back. Gary here tried to arrest me for 'Criminal Intimidation', 'Larceny', and... what was that third thing?"

"'Resisting Arrest' and 'Assault' you bastard." Garrus growled.

Tobi rubbed the back of his head while awkwardly laughing, "Oh yeah."

"What happened?" Shepard asked, though she feared the answer.

"Tobi here intimidated some snack vendors into giving him free food." Garrus pointed at Tobi.

"That's a lie! I just told them about how bad I would feel, and how bad things might happen if I didn't get my food!" Tobi declared his innocence.

"Exactly!" Garrus pointed out.

"It's not like I threatened them with bodily harm or anything!"

"You broke my arm after I tried to arrest you!"

"You tried to take off my mask!"

"You can't wear a mask on the Presidium!"

_'So Tobi's very connected to his mask...'_ Shepard thought.

"You're just mad that I got out of jail and the charges were dropped!"

"You just got your buddies on the Council to get you out of jail!"

Oh yeah... Tobi remembered doing that now. His famed 'Tobi Is Your New Best Friend' Genjutsu technique. That one had caused Yagura to start some bloodline purges in Kiri. All it really did was... make Tobi your new best friend... and highly agreeable to all ideas proposed by said new best friend. Such as genocide. And getting out of jail. And supplying you with all the cool jutsu that they sadly didn't have. But, they did have money, and that was close enough.

"And it worked!" Tobi declared.

"Enough!" Shepard roared, "No more bickering! You are adults, act like it!"

Tobi was suitably cowed, and Garrus muttered, "Sorry, Shepard."

Tobi, after the suitable cowing, went and laid out on the couch. And after a few moments, he was making snoring sounds.

Shepard sighed and rubbed her temples, "Damnit. Damn Tobi, too. Getting out of here won't be easy."

"No it won't." Garrus agreed, "That bridge has saved my life, funneling all those witless idiots into scope, but it works both ways. If we go that way, we'll be slaughtered."

"Waiting doesn't seem like a good option, you have any other suggestions?"

"This place has held them off so far, and with your squad... we can hold this location, wait for a crack in their defenses, and take our chances. It's not a perfect plan, but it's a plan."

"How did you even get in this mess?" Shepard asked.

"That's a long story, and one I'll be willing to tell when we get out of this mess, preferably alive."

"We better get ready, they'll be here soon." Shepard said, "Miranda, go down and tell those 2 to come up here."

"On it, Commander." Miranda said, she went downstairs.

"You're right Shepard, they will likely be here soon, very soon." Garrus looked up into the scope of his rifle, "Yep, there they are. Eclipse scouts, I think." he handed the weapon over to Shepard.

She also looked through the scope to better see what was going on, "More than scouts," she muttered, she took a shot, "And there's 1 less now."

Garrus laughed, "Just like old times, Shepard?"

Shepard nodded and smiled, "Yeah, just like old times."

**(A/N – thinking of changing the name to 'Tobi's Massive Effect'. What do you think?)**


	5. Fighting Like Soldiers Isn't Fun!

You know what's blindingly irritating? Being woken up from a sweet, sweet nap on one of these futuristic couches. Shepard, Garrus, Zaeed, Jacob, and Miranda were all on the second floor, right next to where Tobi was sleeping. And they were all shooting.

Turns out the mercenaries, Tobi thought of them as baby, charkra-less shinobi, decided to cross the bridge en masse.

First the Eclipse mechs, they died fairly easily. Of course, Miranda didn't have the sense to bring an assault rifle, but she quickly picked one up from the pile of corpses. However, they had not woken up Tobi.

Personally, Tobi really hated mechs. They could see him easily, the higher models could actually keep up with him for a few picoseconds, and they dented his kunai when he cut them to ribbons! He was thankful that he had learned how to flow chakra through his weapons, otherwise he'd have to break them open with his fists. There was little to no sense in stabbing metal with metal.

He suddenly missed his gunbai. That thing had been great, and he could use it to cause mass-destruction!

After the Eclipse mechs came the actual Eclipse mercenaries themselves. They had been marginally more difficult to kill, or so he had later been told. Then Jaroth, or whatever his name was, decided to send out his hacked super-mech! Which then promptly killed the rest of his forces, and then Miranda and Jacob killed it by tearing its head off with biotics. Then it exploded. Still, Tobi had yet to awaken.

And then, Jaroth, or whatever his name was, had stormed across the bridge and tried to kill them. Like he could do what a much larger and more powerful mech couldn't. Then he died, then it had all gotten quiet.

Then Shepard punched him, and that is what woke him up.

Note: Shepard had a wicked right hook, not as bad as a drunken Tsunade, but still pretty bad.

Then Tobi was told to stay with Garrus while she and her team went down to the lower levels to secure some doors, or something. Tobi wasn't overly good at listening after being woken up, or punched.

She also made Jacob stay up with them, but honestly, what was Jacob going to do?

...What does Jacob do anyway?

It was remarkably similar to the samurai, the ninja, the monk, and the daimyo riddle... How do you cross the river without having the samurai kill the ninja, the ninja kill the monk, when only the daimyo prevents them from doing so, and the monk tries to kill nothing. The boat can only take 1 passenger at a time, and 1 person must drive the boat.

Or in this case, how do you prevent Garrus from killing Tobi and making it look like the mercs did it? Keep Jacob with them.

But Jacob is useless... almost literally, however, he could be a witness. And that's all that was necessary to prevent Garrus from killing him... Unless Garrus suddenly realized that Jacob was a member of Cerberus... Then would Tobi be the monk? Jacob would be the samurai, and Garrus would be the ninja... Only without a daimyo... Shepard had better get back soon.

"Hey Garrus!" Tobi yelled.

Garrus groaned, "What, Tobi?"

"Did you know that Jacob was a member of the secret anti-alien terrorist organization called Cerberus?" Tobi asked.

Was that death in Garrus eyes? Or was he just happy to kill them?

The not-so-subtle way Garrus kept his back facing away from both of them now made his opinion about Jacob very clear. It was kind of funny, listening to Jacob make excuses and trying to justify it. His work here was done.

Tobi heard an explosion, then he groaned.

Garrus started giving Shepard directions about shutters and consoles, while a group of Blood Pack Pirates (yarhar!) started making their way across the bridge. A solid group consisting of multiple vorcha meat shields, and that's it. Personally, Tobi would've sent over everything he had at once, that's what krogan and vorcha were good at. But, apparently the Blood Pack wanted to test out their defenses.

At first, they had hung back, moving cautiously. But with Garrus's side now having a very noticeable lack of firepower, the vorcha eventually decided to just run right across.

"Shit." Garrus muttered.

He turned and gave Tobi the evil eye, "You haven't done anything yet, do something at least!"

Oh ye of little faith. Hehe, get it? He stole an eye from God himself! So that makes him at least a small amount Divine, and worthy of worship!

Tobi jumped onto the windowsill, put his hands together in a completely unnecessary, showy, and actually fake hand-seal, and yelled, "Tobi Secret Technique!"

And then a bunch of windmill shuriken appeared out of nowhere, along with a rather large amount of random junk, and scythed their way through the vorcha, before disappearing again. Just about every vorcha had been killed, and if one hadn't been killed them it was at the very least maimed. Blood pooled across the entire bridge,

When Tobi saw the junk, he sweatdropped.

_ 'I really need to clean out my dimension.'_ he thought.

Tobi had been stuffing his dimension full of things he though might be useful one day for years, and it has apparently come to the point where he would release it whenever he used Kamui to take things out of his dimension...

Garrus and Jacob were fairly surprised and confused by the sudden appearance of strange bladed weaponry, which then preceded to kill off all of their attackers in an instant. In fact, one might call them befuddled. But then more vorcha attacked, so any questioning would have to wait.

This hiding behind cover while being shot at really made Tobi rethink his melee based attack system. But then he realized that he would have killed all of the vorcha by now had he not been with Garrus and Jacob. Honestly they were holding him back.

It was kind of funny, however, watching Garrus and Jacob spring up, fire a few shots, and then duck back down only to do the same in a few seconds. Each time, one or two vorcha died. He was pretty sure that they didn't even have shields. Thankfully, Garrus had literally stocked this building from the floorboards to the ceiling with thermal clips.

He was left staring at the ceiling as brilliantly colored shavings of metal impacted the room around him. That had him thinking of what metals they used; were they like fireworks, where the different elements put in changed the colors? He thought it would be kind of cool to shoot green, or maybe the rainbow... Now that would be awesome.

Truthfully, he was rather bored. With the fast-paced lifestyle of modern shinobi, this fight was running rather long. 3 years stuck away from a home he had sought to dominate and he still wasn't used to it. Aria was always surprised at how quickly missions got done under his command... Well, 'under his command' also carried heavy casualties... mostly because he just ran ahead and left whatever mercenaries he was supposed to be working with in the dust, and they would oftentimes die. But, if he was alone, then the missions still carried heavy casualties, though they were entirely on the other side.

Garrus sunk to the floor with a grunt, narrowly avoiding another stream of rounds.

**(It's getting irritating to not call them bullets, but they aren't)**

He looked over at Tobi, who was in turn looking at the ceiling. He understood that the merc's skills were primarily geared towards assassination rather than fighting in a battle, but he wasn't helping at all. He wasn't even trying to help. Sure he... probably made those giant spinning blades of death appear out of no where, maybe, but he hasn't done a thing since then!

"Tobi!" he called.

Tobi shifted his gaze towards Garrus, so he tossed him one of his spare pistols, "At least help!"

Garrus turned back to fighting. Tobi was left staring at the pistol in his hands... He had seen the firearms used before, but he honestly just didn't want to use it. Like, if you were a wrestler and all you knew was wrestling, but then you started taking boxing classes and everything felt strange.

He idly noted that the pistol was an M-3 Predator, one of the more common models currently released. A glance to the side told him that Garrus was using an M-92 Mantis, and that Jacob was using an M-8 Avenger. Come to think of it, so had Shepard and Zaeed. Miranda had an M-4 Shuriken, and he was mildly amused at the name. He thought he had seen an M-15 Vindicator around here somewhere, but he was too lazy to get up and look for it.

He sighed and stood up, becoming intangible.

It probably looked rather stupid, standing up in the middle of a fire fight, and had it been any one else it probably would have been.

But, all their attempts to kill him failed, as it always did. And Kakashi wasn't here to Kamui a kunai into his face like last time. Come to think of it, Kakashi had access to his dimension, but he hasn't met up with him in it yet. He would blame physical distance, but he had found all the stuff he left there from the Elemental Countries.

Oh well, he slowly raised the pistol and fired it at a nearby vorcha. He had enough sense to know that pistols work best at short range and as expected, little to no recoil. That's what mass effect weaponry did.

Despite his intangibility, the vorcha died. A lucky headshot, well, not so lucky. With the time-slowedness of the Sharingan, coupled with its predicative capabilities, it was rather easy to point and shoot. Turns out that the Sharingan had something of a learning curve when dealing with aliens, the damn thing had barely known what they were going to do at first. But, thankfully, it adapted to the aliens and was soon just as good at predicting the aliens' movements as it was humans'.

Actually, since the vorcha died, he was rather happy with this new turn of events. 5 minutes of intangibility, coupled with an easy way to kill things, and he would be an unstoppable force on the battlefield. But, he already was an unstoppable force on the battlefield. Do you even know how hard it is to fight the entire Shinobi world and almost win, with nothing but a small group of reanimated ninja and Zetsu clones?

But still, there was no fun in it, at all, zero. There was at least some enjoyment in running at an enemy, narrowly avoiding gun fire the entire way, and then stabbing them in the face. He hasn't even had to ward off assassination attempts more than a few dozen times! _Those_ were fun.

Sneaky assassin came to stab his face off in the night, but he had heard him coming since he entered his apartment. Sacred the crap out of the guy, and then killed him. The fact that knives were still used in an era of firearms had been funny, but he couldn't really fault the guy: he did it too.

So he kept shooting. Quite a few died, but it wasn't fun. It was really more fun when he did stuff with 'Ria! Reloading wasn't hard either, he just had to pull on the top piece of the pistol. Then he kept shooting.

Eventually Garrus said into his radio, "One more shutter Shepard!"

After about a swarm of about 30 or so vorcha killed by the pistol, Tobi sat down. His Kamui had been drained, and he hadn't even fought that hard. He was bored. If this was the extent of the fighting he would be doing while with Shepard, he was just going to stick with Aria. She paid well, and she had fun assignments. He wasn't like Kakuzu, who would immediately go with Shepard because of the money. Miranda and Jacob were with Cerberus. Shepard was working with them. Ie: Shepard was working with Cerberus.

He wasn't stupid, he knew that Cerberus had an interest in him, his abilities, his eyes. They could never use them due to severe lack of chakra, but they would still try to acquire them. But, they didn't know that his abilities were tied to his eyes, and he very much doubted they could capture him.

But, they would pay good money.

The sudden cacophony of noise from behind him made him look back into the building they were in. Garrus came with him, and quickly called Shepard. Jacob was still at the window, hopefully killing vorcha. After a moment, it became obvious why they weren't sending krogan across the bridge: they were sending them behind them.

One of the doors down there was behind opened through use of plasma torch, or something similar. The lead krogan was the leader of the Blood Pack on Omega. Garrus tried to kill him, but hit a vorcha instead. Then he tried again, and again. Shepard appeared below them, and started shooting at the Blood Pack, killing a few vorcha and wounding the krogan.

But you can't kill heavily armored krogan that easily, and they started to make their way up the stairs.

In response, Tobi quickly made his way over to the stairs. He started channeling his chakra, making sure to cause a blue aura around himself. The better to be mistaken for biotics.

Garm, leader of the Blood Pack, rounded the corner at the top of the stairs and found Tobi waiting for him. Garm quickly angled his shotgun for maximum killage, but Tobi just raised his arm and pointed it directly at Garm.

"Shinra Tensei!"

After a short, dramatic pause, Garm felt most of his bones break from the pressure as he was rocketed away and into the wall, where he was ground to pieces against the heavy metal. Kind of like a full body scrape, while also being crushed to death and having your bones being splintered until they were dust.

He didn't even have time to scream. Well, technically the war-cry he yelled out upon seeing Tobi was a scream, but he didn't scream after being Tensei'd.

The second krogan up the stairs, however, did. Because instead of a rather low-powered Shinra Tensei, he got several dozen Chakra Disruption Rods crammed into him. He fell back down the stairs, flailing in agony. Where he was then killed by Shepard as she and her part of the team went up the stairs in pursuit of Garm.

"Hi Sheppy!" he gleefully greeted her.

"Busy Tobi, where's Garm!" she growled... she didn't like him!

He pointed to the large dent in the metal wall, and the puddle of flesh dripping from it.

They may have secondary and tertiary organs, but krogan all popped under the pressure of gravity! Unless he's still alive, even as a flesh puddle. Now that would be painful.

Shepard didn't even bat an eyelash at his delicious, er, I mean atrocious flesh puddle. Miranda raised an eyebrow and Zaeed did the same, he heard the sounds of Jacob retching from behind him but ignored it. Who cares about Jacob at all?

Zetsu would've loved the flesh puddle, preferably in a bowl though. He probably would have thought that Tobi made him some soup out of sentient life-forms, his favorite. Though he would probably have preferred shinobi and civilians over krogan. Despite their similarities, his people and humans were different species. He even had a DNA test to prove it!

"Hmm, that must have taken a whole lot of biotic power." Shepard commented.

Tobi gave her a thumbs up.

Zaeed said, "I've never seen krogan pancakes before. I kind of wish I haven't."

By the way he said it, it wasn't very clear whether or not he was talking about the krogan puddle, or actual krogan pancakes he had seen elsewhere and thought them to be similar. A terrifying thought, to be sure.

Garrus attracted the attention of the group, "We took out Garm and his Blood Pack, he was a tough son of a bitch. We've tangoed once before, I've never seen a krogan regenerate as fast as he could. But he's dead now, and only the Blue Suns are left."

"The Blue Suns are hard bastards, but we're harder." Zaeed expressed his confidence in the group.

"We can just stay here, like we have been doing." Tobi said.

"Or we could just go over and fight them, they ought to be weakened enough that we could charge them and break out." mentioned Garrus.

The sudden sound of a certain gunship's engines alerted the group that the Blue Suns had arrived. Everyone quickly got behind cover, and started firing at the gunship through the window. The window shattered, and the gunship fired through to pin them down. It was quickly unloading troops to fight the team inside the building, leaving Tobi sad at the sudden violence through firearms.

It takes skill and effort to kill people with a kunai, but these guys just shoot. No entertainment, just equality.

Tobi sadly and slowly walked downstairs, ignoring the fire fight above him, he sat down on the couch and moped. A few minutes later and the Blue Suns started running through the first floor's doors and towards the stairs, to better kill the team. They shot at him as soon as they saw him. Then Shepard and the team started shooting at them.

He flipped over the couch to land safely behind it, granting him cover from the assault as though he actually needed it. He took out a kunai and hummed a tune as he wrapped an explosive tag around it. Once done, he primed the thing and casually tossed it over his shoulder.

He was exactly sure where it would go: directly into the chest plate of a Blue Suns asshole.

When the explosive tag detonated, he killed the whole bunch of them due to some well placed Katon chakra in the tag, burning them all to a crisp. Simplicity itself, no one ever looks twice at a kunai that missed.

He peeked over the top of the couch, and observed the pile of ashes and bodies on the other side of the room. He didn't even have to use Chakra Chains. Now, where is that gunship?

The sound of rapid-fire machine guns came from upstairs, shortly followed by an explosion, answering his question. He jumped up to hang from the balcony rail, and peeked over.

He saw the whole team fighting off the gunship, as well as Garrus sitting in a pool of his own blood. He could have sworn that he had sabotaged the gunship... How had he done that again?

The gunship strafed the team, putting rounds in everything and anything. Zaeed took a round to the shoulder, and went down behind cover, holding his newest wound. Miranda, who might as well have been strutting around naked for all the armor that she had, was cowering in a very dignified way behind the couch, along with Shepard. Jacob was... somewhere, Tobi didn't care.

He stared at the gunship, trying to remember how exactly he had sabotaged it... He decided to retrace his steps.

Hmm...

Meeting Sheppy...

Going to the Mercenary place...

Killing a bunch of batarians and assorted mercenaries...

Finding Sheppy talking to Cathka...

Breaking Cathka's neck...

Throwing some explosive tags into the gunship...

Charging across the bridge... wait.

'Throwing explosive tags into the gunship...'

That was it: he had put explosives in the form of paper into the gunship, cleverly disguised as normal pieces of paper with explosive seals on them. He may not be a Seal Master like dear dead old sensei... but he knew enough to make an explosive tag or a thousand.

He formed a hand seal with his right hand, and the gunship promptly exploded in a glorious fireball! Skill.

He vaulted over the railing he was holding on to. Zaeed was given some Medi-Gel for his wounds, which would be better than medical techniques had Medi-Gel been able to extract poison, reattach limbs, keep detached organs and limbs alive for years on end, allow intense experimentation on living test subjects, etc, etc.

Shepard, the odd ball that she was, ran over to Garrus' downed form. While he wouldn't say that Shepard was crying, because she wasn't, he would say that she was incredibly angry to the point of mutilating every living thing within range... And Tobi irritated her, as he recalled. Tobi quickly backed up a few steps and vaulted back over the banister. He hung there, still peeking at Shepard and Garrus.

Shepard leaned down and poked him or something, then Garrus took a deep, ragged breath. He started coughing up blood, and just doing what dying people do. Everyone with medical expertise that wasn't also Tobi quickly went to Garrus and started to perform life saving procedures on him.

Shepard said, "Call the Normandy, make sure they're ready for us!"

Tobi could have helped, of course, he does have to occasionally change out his eye and limbs. He even had his right arm cut off multiple times! Did he wallow up on the floor and start coughing up blood and die? No: he went to his lab for a spare! Of course, he no longer had access to his lab, but he did have access to his dimension, which were markedly similar in function, though not in appearance. His lab doesn't look like an endless series of rectangular prisms, though it would be cool if it did.

A couple minutes later, a shuttle appeared from the distance and landed on the bridge. Garrus was quickly shuttled onto the shuttle, and then the shuttle shuttled away like shuttles commonly do.

Tobi had the strangest urge to make one of his masks adaptable for use by Turians...

**(A/N – was not expecting this to be so popular and therefore had no plans for writing. Sorry.)**


	6. The Doctor Named Tobi!

"Hey! Hey, Shepard!"

Poke. Poke.

One might think that poking an extraordinarily pissed off Commander Shepard, a woman not known for her patience, was a bad idea. And one would be right in thinking that thought. However, this did not stop Tobi from poking her in the shoulder repeatedly. He was annoyed with her lack of response.

Apparently, finding one of your best friends ever in a strange and unlikely manner only to have him fatally wounded afterward was upsetting. The Turian had taken a little rocket fire, so what? Big deal. It was times like this that Tobi remembered that he could heal anything by tossing them into the King of Hell's mouth. Pain used it to restore his Paths, but the King could be used to heal anything. Seriously, Tobi once threw a krogan in there, and it emerged without wounds, with repaired armor and clothing, but extremely tired, and then he died, due to Tobi-related stabbing.

Should Tobi have used the King of Hell to heal Gary? The answer to that riddle is no. People tend to question the summoning of Kings of Hell. And when people question Tobi, people die. And when people die, people start questioning Tobi. And when people start questioning Tobi, people die. And so on and so forth until everyone, sans Tobi, is dead. And then Tobi will be bored, which results in the resurrection of people utilizing the King of Hell, which is then questioned, and so on and so on.

"Hey! Hey, Shepard!"

Poke. Poke.

Shepard thought she was being so tough, sitting catatonic on the couch with tears streaming down her face as she ignored his poking. He'd show her! He even got Itachi, that emotionless bastard, to try to kill him! And most other people, come to think of it. But at least they hadn't cried when he was poking/killing them! Or at least, he didn't remember them doing that.

Or were tears bad...? Hmm...

"Hey! Hey, Shepard!"

Poke. Poke.

The others had wisely decided to stay far from Shepard, not because they didn't sympathize with her mourning, but because they didn't want to be near Shepard when she explodes. An angry Shepard is a freaking TERRIFYING Shepard.

"Hey! Hey Shepard!"

Just as he was about to poke her on the shoulder, she turned her head towards him startling him enough to make him tumble to the floor off of the arm of the couch he had been perching on like a beautiful, majestic eagle.

"Tobi." here we go with the threats again... "If Garrus dies I will kill every last Blue Sun in existence."

Well... not threatening him is an improvement, he would be the first to admit. But that kind of anger/hatred isn't very healthy when it's just sitting there... being malevolent and rotting... He'd find a use for that. Hatred is most useful when being used as motivation.

Tobi has great experience with manipulating people, and especially hatred. Hatred could only be productive when pointed towards an objective that wasn't also harming him or anything he liked.

"Good news, Sheppy!" Tobi happily declared, in a strange, quavering voice, "Finding the Professor will bring us into contact with multiple Blue Sun mercenaries! Most of which will resist our attempts to kill them. Shall we?" he held out a hand gallantly, to help her off of the couch.

Shepard breathed in her nose deeply, before exhaling.

"That's enough wallowing in my own sadness," Shepard said as she stood from the couch graciously accepting Tobi's hand, "I still have a job to do, can't let my worries bog me down. I'm a soldier damnit, I should at least be able to function... And kill lots and lots of Blue Sun assholes."

She started to walk towards the bridge, the various members of the squad falling in line behind her as she passed them lounging against the walls. Tobi quickly rushed over to Shepard's side.

"It's okay Shepard," Tobi reassured her, "I've know plenty of people to crack after I've killed their friends. It can happen to anybody, don't beat yourself up!"

Stolidly ignoring his admission of murder, Shepard knew that Tobi was just trying to help... Maybe. He might also be trying to build up his own reputation as a killer, using her problems as a stepping stone. Tobi was an enigma, she doubted that would change much even with extended interaction with him. She'd be sure to ask Aria for everything she knew about Tobi, the man may be a decent fighter, and he was half way decent at carrying out orders, but his constant flippant attitude might cause problems on the Normandy. Also; he was kind of an asshole, despite his childish nature.

Meanwhile, Tobi was silently bemoaning not killing the Kyuubi brat, the one person that he could have killed that would have ruined the entire Shinobi Alliance.. He was basically the heart of the Shinobi Alliance. If he fell, everybody would have been demoralized... Perhaps the Juubi got him, after Tobi left. They had no Rinnegan wielder, so they couldn't have split Juubi back up into the other tailed beasts. The Juubi had probably just demolished the whole world, as it was prophesied to do. That would explain why he wasn't seeing Kakashi in his dimension; he was dead. On the other hand, he had no evidence for anything, so any theory was just conjecture. Or, in his words, guessing.

Although, they could probably have found a way to free the tailed beasts, even without a Rinnegan wielder. Or, they could use the Edo Tensei technique to re-resurrect Nagato and make him do it.

He actually hadn't really thought about the Shinobi nations for a while... he stopped after he realized that his chances of getting back were infinitesimally slim, or about week 5. Now that he did think about it... they could have sealed the Juubi enough to transform it back into the Demonic Statue of the Outer Path. That would have been a temporary measure, the chakra and seals necessary to reduce the Juubi back into the Statue and then cramming the thing back into the moon would have been immense, but it was doable. They would have had to somehow get some of the best seal masters ever to work on it... someone like Minato-sensei, Kushina, or Mito. Hell, even Tobirama was known for his Space-Time seals, but those seal masters were all dead. Unless they were somehow resurrected...

Oh well, he guessed that he would never find out... unless he summoned the Statue, which would suck if he was actually summoning the Juubi instead of the Statue. Especially if there were bystanders that he didn't want dead. The Summoning technique is really kind of hit-and-miss, as in: you aren't a 100% certain what you will get each time. Unfortunately, the technique doesn't give him an idea of what the condition of his summons is before the summons actually arrives. So... Statue or beastie, he really couldn't be certain until he did it.

He actually hadn't summoned the Statue since he was introduced to the galaxy, he wondered how it was... There was no room on Omega for it, and he didn't fancy just leaving it to sit around in some cavern on any old planet, unless it was the Juubi, then he would leave it on any old planet. But he missed the statue. He would definitely have to check up on the poor old thing. It was basically a walking siege platform: as deadly as any shinobi who was also fucking massive.

The others were talking among themselves as the group walked back towards where they had arrived. The shuttle that the Normandy had sent had picked up Garrus and rushed him back to the ship. Thankfully, most of the Blue Suns had either been dead, dying, or running away when the shuttle had arrived. With all of their bosses dead, they probably thought that retreating was the correct course of action. Which, considering their situation, it most definitely was. Even if Tobi didn't go all out, and he had yet to find something that could make him go anywhere close to all out, the rest of the team could have easily crushed the remaining mercenaries.

The hanger wasn't far away, and considering how many mercenaries they killed, there was probably going to be a few shuttles left over. Maybe enough that they can all drive their own to Aria's! You couldn't really drive a car, even a floating car, to where Mordin's clinic was, partially because the place was under quarantine, and partially because it was in the depths of Omega and not exposed to the outside.

As he eyed a particularly shiny bit on a Blue Sun corpse, he mentally forced himself to not go over and steal anything of value, and some things that weren't. Given some alone time, he could make off with everything of value in a few short hours, even with Shadow Clones. It would be faster, but he also took organs. While modern medicine might make it extraordinarily easy to replace a limb with a new one, transplants were still common due to the cost of just making a limb out of thin air, something only Tobi could do due to Kamui.

Also; Krogan were known for their appetite for Salarian liver, an understandably rare delicacy. They also had a bit of a thing for Asari brain stems, Hanar tentacles, Volus faces, and Turian anythings... they don't like Turians.

While Tobi made it a habit of stealing, an unfortunately ingrained habit that left him with twitching fingers all of the time, even if he didn't want the stuff, he did not make a habit of organ theft. It was weird, for one, organ theft. For two, people wouldn't like him anywhere near as much as they do now if they knew he stole organs, and they basically hated him as it was.

People who kill people? Fine, good, you'll fit right in in Omega.

People who loot corpses? Why not? We accept the people doing the murdering, why not accept the people who need a bit of extra cash on the side? Perfectly acceptable.

People who harvest organs from the recently deceased? No, thank you. Get out, creepy, twitchy, masked man! Hey, I said get- argh! My face! ARGH!- Urgh... Cough, cough, tell my wife... Yargh!

3 years can change a man! Especially if that man had strange obsessive compulsive disorders, could learn things in a short amount of time, had visual photographic memory, the strength of a hundred Krogan, a lack of needing to drink, eat, sleep, poop, pee, or age, and control over gravity.

Seriously, he came _this_ close to snapping each time he lets a corpse get away unscavenged.

He even found himself some strange obsessions from the extranet. Memes, blogs, slightly-veiled hit-man sites, the works! But what he really found interesting was when he found an old-looking figurine from, as he later found out, the early 21st century. Some quick searching on his Omni-tool led to a new obsession, a severe and sudden draining of money from his accounts, and a sudden boost in the stock of a dying company, all due to Tobi's sudden interest. You wouldn't think that one man could uplift a company from debt with a single purchase, but Tobi's sudden and severe mood swings caused by slight insanity, schizophrenia, and pure, unadulterated rage, combined with the fact that Tobi was rich, very rich, was enough that the singular bulk purchase was enough to keep the company alive for at least another fiscal year, without tightening its financial belt. His money was almost entirely earned through illegal means, primarily through the selling of stuff found on corpses, but it was money nonetheless.

And everything he couldn't find a buyer for, and there was a lot he couldn't find a buyer for, went straight into his dimension. He couldn't count how many times he needed to change his Mangekyou Sharingan, it was somewhere past 7, last time he counted, but he had a solid 37 left. Honestly, he was just waiting for the point where everything in his dimension will coalesce into a star, so he can have some natural light in there.

That's not to say that Tobi doesn't spend his time wisely: he has a doctorate from the University of Thessia in Medicine, as well as similar degrees in Chemistry and Medical Science. All online, of course, and he never did the necessary hours of working in an actual hospital, but still. He was basically what amounts to a doctor/medic from his homeworld, so why not be one in the galaxy? It's not like every doctor can say, 'I had my arm cut off like 3 times and replaced it each time, by myself, and without any pain medication.' Or that he, 'Performed multiple eye transplant surgeries, both on myself, without pain medication, and on a small child I kidnapped from Amegakure.'

Also; he had a tree that doubled as a life support system and a cloning vat! Who else can say that?

Seriously: Tobi was basically a super-doc, but no one recognizes his achievements!

The others watched with raised eyebrows as Tobi suddenly slumped, and kept walking towards the hanger, only suddenly very sadly. Tobi entered the hanger itself, the group streaming in behind him. The place was a bit of a mess, evidently, the mercenaries had fought amongst themselves when fleeing. There was, however, a pair of shuttles left for them, and only slightly shot up! A true miracle for any that live on Omega.

"Alright gang!" Tobi declared, just as suddenly happy, standing with one foot on a dead Eclipse mercenary, "Looks like we have another mystery on our hands!" he indicated the scores of blood pools and corpses in the hanger.

Alas, they were in no mood for his bullshit. Apparently, Shepard being a downy-pus really screwed things up for his schtick. Nobody, besides Zaeed who is probably the only member of the group old enough to remember Scooby Doo, despite it being well over 200 years old.

"Shut up, Tobi." Shepard muttered, "Just tell us where to go to meet this 'Professor'."

"Oh, fine. Ruin all my fun, why don't yah?" Tobi tearfully sniffled. "He's really more of a Doctor anyway... Alright! Here's the plan: we go back to Aria's place because where we need to go is like, right there. THEN! We enter a plague-infested hellhole on the hellhole of Omega, the plague that doesn't affect humans or Vorcha, for no apparent reason."

He waved them aboard the shuttles, selected Shepard as the driver, sent them on their way, and cheerfully greeted them when they arrived at their destination in only a few short minutes.

Shepard narrowed her eyes as she saw Tobi waving at them from the landing area, "I'd really like to know how he's doing that."


	7. Secrets?

**(A/N – Redid this chapter, I didn't like how it turned out. Please, review the changes. If you are new, just review the chapter.)**

Since the shuttles were not theirs, the group didn't particularly care where they left them. There was a designated parking zone, to be sure, but if you leave an unlocked shuttle anywhere on Omega, someone will come by, steal it, and then park it for you. So there wasn't really a hassle. It wasn't like they were ever going to use the shuttles ever again. In fact, they would probably be stolen by the time it took the group to walk from the Afterlife to the entrance of the Apartment District.

As they were walking, Tobi took the time to reflect on the others in his group. Shepard was upset and angry, not a very good combination. She was smart enough to know to keep it together, but the first Blue Sun she saw would die, painfully. She had lost people in her life, certainly, but the only teammate that she had lost was Kaiden Alenko, and she would be damned if it happened again under her watch. It was really more worry over Garrus than anything. She was stressed, and somebody out there decided to keep piling on the pressure. Thankfully, she didn't appear to be suicidal, which was good for Tobi.

Tobi really enjoyed his money, and keeping Shepard alive would allow him to get a job that pays good money, so he had to keep her alive. Well, it was partially the fact that he enjoyed money, but he also just wanted to leave Omega and have some fun in other places. In total, Tobi had been to 3 places: the Citadel, Omega, and Illium. That's not a very large list, many, many places were still out there to be seen by Tobi. And this job had the potential to send him all around the galaxy!

Zaeed was taking his newly acquired war wound like a champion, even if using Medi-gel was technically cheating. Now he just had to get crushed by a few thousand tons of rock, have his arm ripped off a few times, gouge out his eye, and watch the love of his life die in front of his eye by his best friend's hand, then he'll be just like Tobi! But judging by the amount of scars on Zaeed, he had had at least some of that happen to him.

Miranda, despite her lack of clothing or armor, hadn't been wounded in the fight. Now that came as a surprise to Tobi, maybe nobody was shooting at her because they didn't expect her to be a threat, what with her nakedness? The only other woman he knew that fought with a similar amount of clothing was Anko Mitarashi, but at least she was cool! Sure Tobi also doesn't wear armor, but he does wear clothes that cover up and provide _some_ modesty, _and_ he can become intangible! He was pretty sure that Miranda couldn't do that. She was showing off, or maybe she just loved being stared at. If there was one fetish that Tobi didn't think was extraordinarily weird, it was getting off on being watched during sex, and it was still pretty weird.

Garrus wasn't present, hell, he might even be dead! Probably not though, the guy looked like he could take a missile or 2.

Hmm... Tobi felt like there was someone else that he hadn't mentioned, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it...

Anyways, Tobi led the group to the entrance of the Apartment District, a district known for its large amount of apartments and the only known dango shop that Tobi has ever found on Omega, not even quality dango either. Coincidentally, the Apartment District is also chock full of plague and Blue Suns, or at least, it's supposed to be.

On the way, Shepard had her attention stolen by a few bystanders, all of which promised money for certain odd jobs. Seriously, who does that? 'Hey stranger, I'll give you 1000 credits if you go save my child from murderous kidnappers.' That's not normal! And it's Tobi's job! As a shinobi, he is the ultimate mercenary. Meaning, he would do anything for the right price... _Anything_... But nooo, Shepard walks in the room and all of a sudden, his well-paying jobs are given to her. It's totally unfair! He'd let it slide... if he could slip an equal amount onto his payment...

Unfortunately, there was a guard guarding the door to the Apartments. A sensible idea, you rarely want people coming and going during a plague. Thankfully, the turian was easily swayed by the group walking towards him and being vaguely malicious. Also, Tobi was present. You _could_ say no to Tobi, but it wasn't recommended and nor was it wise.

There was also the common assumption that Tobi was human, and therefore immune to the plague. Tobi _is_ actually immune to the plague, and just about every disease, due to Hashirama cells. Seriously, those things could do anything! The human misunderstanding might have been part of the reason the whole group was allowed in: heavily armed, heavily armored (some of them, Miranda doesn't count), and human. Easy mistake to make, seeing as how his people and humans look eerily similar. But the devil's in the details, or in this case, the DNA! Also; humans were _weak_... a sharp poke and they're bleeding all over the place like a thin, blood filled balloon. Hell, civilians back home could out punch most adult humans, even trained humans! Something about chakra enhancing a person's muscles subconsciously, even if you didn't go to the Academy.

All folk have chakra! It's just that some have vastly more than others, and some actually use their chakra instead of not. But humans, and most species, have such piteously small amounts of chakra! It would take generations of constant training and then those trained peoples forced to have babies that would inherit their above-average reserves and then training those babies and making them have babies, and so on and so on, until there were at least genin level reserves in a fully trained human. But even then, Tobi would be so vastly out of their league, it wasn't a very time-efficient plan, Tobi might be dead by the time humans became similar to his people, and Tobi was theoretically immortal!

There was actually a pair of doors to get through to the Apartment District, something like an airlock only for keeping in the plague. Everybody filed in the, the door closed, and decontamination began!

As they were waiting for the doors to cycle, some black guy who had been following them remarked, "At least there's no aliens on our team, I wouldn't want a teammate to die of plague before we even get to fight."

Everybody halfheartedly agreed with the sentiment, at least, but Tobi considered that remark to be moderately offensive towards both aliens and him, but he didn't particularly care about the opinions of random humans. Let them think he was human for a bit longer, it'll save him the boredom of explaining things... Also; who did this guy think he was, saying that he was part of their team? Tobi isn't going to stand for such- Wait... Wasn't there was a member of their team who was black, human, and male... What was his name? Jake? Jack? Jordan?

Jacob! That was it... Maybe... Now he wasn't sure, he was second-guessing himself!

Oh well, Tobi doubted that the Jacob person, if that even is his real name, would live very long. He seemed like the sort to just kind of... blend in with the background... That would actually be a fairly useful ninja-technique, but no one cared.

But now, he had some planning for future explaining to do. It's always good to have your bullshit properly prepared before hand.

Okay: not human, how to explain that? Easy: I am not human. Good explanation, short, sweet, answers the question, no actual lie. He could even be condescending towards humans, ha! He'd loved to see their faces when he shows them just how powerful he is!

'Tobi, since when can you control 6 bodies at once, each with their own individual powers?'

'Muahaha! Always, puny human!'

Ah, that will be fun...

Where are you from? Easy: my people's homeworld. Bam! Didn't see that one coming, did you!?

Who are your people? Easy: shinobi.

Why haven't I heard of them before, and why does the name sound familiar? Easy: you haven't heard of them because we haven't achieved space flight yet, and the closest translation to my people's actual name is shinobi. Shinobi is a term for warriors of the night, sneaky bastards, look up your history on Japan, you have an Omni-tool!

If you haven't achieved space flight yet how are you here now?

Hmm... that one will take a moderate amount of bullshitting...

Let's try... A ship landed on his homeworld... Yeah, good start. And then... then he stole it!~ Even better! They already think he's a criminal, reinforcing previous beliefs makes the lie easier to swallow. Remember that, kiddies. Pepper your lies with truth and your truth with lies and no one will be able to tell them apart.

Then they'd ask how he knew how to fly the ship, he would answer that they had an Asari aboard that melded their language into his head head. Hmm...

Alright! He had it: a ship landed on his homeworld, he stole, tied up all the crew members, one was an Asari who thought it was just a misunderstanding and taught him their language through a meld. Then he tortured them for information about the ship, like how to fly it, etc, then he killed them all, dumped their bodies, erased all the relevant information from their database about discovering a new species, and left for the nearest Mass Relay and eventually ended up on Omega, doing odd jobs and mercenary work for cash.

It's fool-proof! Well, they might hate him for doing all of that, or at least saying that he did all of that. He might have to tone down the torture/killing part, or at least not mention it but imply it.

As for why he left his homeworld? Well, the truth of course! Or at least a version of it.

He was an international criminal who was universally hated for trying, and almost succeeding, at taking over the world. That he had planned on doing away with old, traditional, and failing methods that the people clung to like a life raft and wanted to institute a new method that would preserve peace throughout the land but his methods were often rather brutal and the established leaders thought of him as nothing but a terrorist.

Well, he wouldn't have been a terrorist had he succeeded, dumb-ass Old Man Madara. They were already connected to the Ten Tails, a single second would be all that was necessary to use the Infinite Tsukuyomi, but nooo, the dumb-ass decides to test out the Ten Tails' power, and then they got separated so they couldn't use the damn technique! But he wouldn't tell them all about the Ten Tails, or any of the beasties.

But he wouldn't unload all of this in one day, crazy needs a little time to disseminate.

That's also how spies get captured: they memorize their cover story but when someone asks them about themselves, they reveal it all in one shot, giving way more information than the question required and revealing to any experienced individual that they were a spy. While Shepard probably wasn't experienced with espionage, she had probably been coached on it or someone on the team had. Or they would just instantly notice when he started rambling on and on...

Ha! Look at him; making up a cover story for a job he might theoretically get, look at that confidence! Thankfully, they had assured him that the pay was great. Zaeed reinforced this belief by mentioning how large his payment was. All he had to do was show himself to be a decent murderer and the money would be all his! Muahahaha!

Hmm... all of a sudden, Tobi felt like Kakuzu...

If the kind reader was not yet aware of just how smart Tobi is, despite his childish actions, he managed to think all of this in the time it takes an airlock to cycle. That's a minute, tops.

The doors to the Apartment District opened, and the first thing Tobi noticed is the small group of guards cowering behind a barricade. Heh, cowards. You can tell they were cowards due to their cowering tendencies. But at least the guards didn't shoot at them, that earns an instant +2 points on Tobi's friendship meter.

Another shocking twist that Tobi noticed is that Shepard loves looting almost as much, if not more than Tobi does. She sees a container, BAM, she goes for it. Of course, she only takes the really useful stuff, like eezo or guns and armor, or the mods for both. So she's an amateur, but not pathologically inclined. Good for her.

A short walking trip later, and the group encounters a door!

Behind door number one is a pair of Blue Suns mercenaries, making Shepard drool as she killed them just from the sheer pleasure of murdering your most hated foes. There's also a pile of burning corpses, a dying Batarian, and some terminals and containers that Shepard either loots or hacks. While Shepard's going after the useful items, Tobi was digging through personal effects, looking for shiny pieces of gold jewelry, or maybe cred chits, anything he can sell for quick cash.

Then came a rather depressing conversation with a dying Batarian that Shepard forced them all to listen to, which eventually culminated in the Batarian's almost-death and Shepard's saving his life with a bit of Medi-gel.

Damn her! She just prevented a prime looting opportunity! Now he was upset with her!

Really, in addition to auditioning for a well-paying job, this was just an errand that Tobi had been meaning to run. Dr. Mordin had a 'package' that he needed to check up on down at the clinic. Having Shepard and co. accompany him was really just sparing him a bunch of work. No, not even that. Fighting this bunch wouldn't be considered work at all, not to Tobi.

As it turns out, the way to Mordin's clinic was fraught with danger. Blue Suns, much to Shepard's unhidden glee, and vorcha scumbags literally filled the narrow corridors.

And they all died, to a man. The group didn't really mind him barely fighting, mostly because he absorbed fire that could be directed at them. The basic fighting method was this: he would walk out, completely unaffected as the mercenaries shot at him, and his group would shoot them dead.

Easy!

That's not to say that Tobi didn't kill any of them, the ol' 'pistol still works' trick killed quite a few of them, even after they realized that he wasn't a hologram. Of course, Tobi could have killed them all easily, he just didn't want to explain anything to his future co-workers. Sure he had powers, but he didn't want to talk about them yet.

In all honesty, he had grown much more powerful in his 3 year furlough.

While the Sharingan was a great tool for both fighting and stealing techniques, it doesn't offer much of an opportunity to grow. You know the techniques, the Sharingan memorized the handseals, but you don't know exactly _how_ to do the techniques. You can let the Sharingan 'take over', as it were, and do the techniques _exactly_ like the guy you got it from did it, but you still won't know how to make the technique your own unless you learn about it from another person, a scroll, or just a lot of practice.

But the Rinnegan was different. It was almost literally like a voice in your head, shaping your techniques into what they 'should' be. The Rinnegan is the sensei in your head that he needed to make the techniques he had copied his own, and to make more interesting variations of them. Sometimes the Rinnegan coughed up techniques of its own, giving him strange mental impressions when he molded his chakra, eventually culminating in either a new technique or an old technique that Tobi had seen, but had not copied. It also showed him in a mental vision exactly what he could do just using the eye. He always knew that Nagato's 'Asura Path' was connected to his Rinnegan, but actually learning how to turn your hand into a miniature rocket, and watch it come back to your arm and reattach, was freaking amazing!

It was fantastic, the combination, it made him into a shinobi that could have taken on the entire world at once and, instead of just surviving, but actually winning! He should have just crammed one into Nagato and kept one for himself! You don't _need_ two of them, like you need 2 Mangekyou Sharingans to use Susanoo, you only need the one eye to do the techniques. He should have just ignored Old Man Madara's stupid plan after he died, gone back to living a normal life. But he was a bit distraught at the time, can you blame him?

Coming into the galaxy at large, Tobi learned that many people had life _much_ worse than he did.

The love of his life, dead by his best friend's hand before his very eyes? Tragic, one of the more exotic stories out there, to be sure. But not the worst. Try, 'Entire colony taken into slavery while being the only survivor, wrecked with guilt.' or maybe, 'Watched Batarians brutal beat/rape the entire female portion of my family, while the male portion of my family was tortured in indescribably horrible ways while being forced to watch.' Really, Batarians were assholes.

Those were much worse! And he had the gall to go and be depressed, become a nihilistic bastard!? Unacceptable. The best kind of therapy for depression is finding someone who's had it much worse than you who also isn't depressed, it _really_ puts things in perspective.

Tobi found the trip to Mordin's clinic to be fun and quick. A good fight, some good loot, good/new friends. What could be better? A family saved, looters 'discouraged', and lots of cold Blue Sun corpses for Shepard! An all round good day.

The vorcha were irritating though. Tobi didn't like them; they had too many teeth. And, they were ugly. Their skin looks like someone took a cup of acid and threw it over them, and then somehow genetically modified them so that they constantly urinated from every pore in their body. They couldn't speak properly and they were idiots. When you stab them they make an irritating screeching noise, but that might just be their native language untranslated. They smelt like the waste they lived in and ate. The only people he wanted to kill more than vorcha are the fucking Kiri shinobi and those assholes crammed a Tailed Beast in Rin and made her go to Konoha. Pricks.

During the trip, Tobi had the unique pleasure of watching another looter at work: Shepard consistently showed her willingness, if not eagerness for looting with every apartment they passed.

The Blue Suns were far too weakened to put up much of a fight, to Shepard's initial dismay and then later irrefutable joy. The real irritation came from the vorcha and their Krogan, who were immune to the plague somehow and also stupid enough to follow a bunch of vorcha into battle like lapdogs, insane vorcha who wanted to spread a plague through Omega. For all the hype surrounding Krogan fighting ability, they weren't very good fighters. Maybe they were rejected idiots? That would explain both their terrible skill at fighting _and_ their willingness to work for vorcha.

No self-respecting Krogan would work for a vorcha, work _with_ vorcha maybe, but not _for_.

Shepard proved herself to be a masterful squad commander as well. The individual members were smart enough to know when and where to take cover, but Shepard coordinated the whole group with alacrity. Whole scores of enemies died in short length firefights, partially due to Tobi's method of drawing fire and partially due to Shepard's easily adaptation of Tobi into her strategy. Tobi liked that about Shepard, it proved she wasn't an idiot.

Damn, the thought just occurred to Tobi that now he would have to answer for apparently being bullet proof too. He doubted she would just accept, 'They were all terrible shots.' Especially considering the squad's shields went down on a regular basis.

Eventually, due to Shepard's relentless advance, the group arrived at the clinic. And what a clinic it was! There's nothing quite like the sight of a functioning clinic in a war-torn, plague infested place... Brings a tear to no one's eyes, really.

The group stopped at the sight of the security guards and mechs, Shepard went forward to speak with the man behind the desk.

"We're here for a Professor Solus." Shepard informed the man.

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. The security guard tensed and the mechs raised their weapons, "What do you want with Professor Solus?" he cautiously asked.

Tobi scoffed and walked to the desk, "Honestly you guys, no fighting in the clinic." Tobi looked to the guard and pointed at the others, "These guys are with me."

The guard cautiously looked between Tobi and Shepard before nodding slowly, "Yes, Doctor Tobi, go right through. Try not to cause any trouble this time."

Tobi exaggeratedly sighed and hung his head low before turning and walking through the doors to the lobby, which the guard was kind enough to open for them. Shepard and the other quickly followed after him.

"What did that guard mean by 'Doctor Tobi'?" Shepard questioned him as soon as they had caught up.

"Oh, nothing, I'm sure, I don't volunteer here to work on curing the plague, trust me." he replied as he walked down the hallway, "But you know what I find confusing? No matter what language you're speaking, your mouth moves like you're speaking English. Even when aliens are speaking their freaky-deaky language, the translator translates it into your language, but you see their mouths move in English."

Before Shepard could reply, Tobi had already opened up the door to the right. Shepard caught up with him and peered into the room, seeing a Salarian and a human conversing.

"Mordin-chan!" Tobi interrupted, rather loudly.

The speed with which the Salarian doctor reacted was astounding, the man glanced up so quickly that Shepard was certain that anyone other than a Salarian would have gotten a severe headache from their brain bouncing around inside their skull.

The doctor breathed deeply through his nose, "Tobi." he greeted, "Results in storage room."

Tobi up and left, going directly across the hallway to another door and went through there, leaving Shepard to speak with Mordin. She explained the situation, Cerberus, his recruitment, the mission, surprisingly the doctor had been the one to guess their allegiance with Cerberus, and she had to elaborate on that. She also quickly discovered the doctor's strange way of speaking, Unfortunately, he couldn't leave until the cure was properly distributed. Shepard was slightly angered by his refusal to leave, he already created the cure, he could leave with them and leave the distribution to other people.

She questioned the guard saying 'Doctor Tobi' and discovered that Tobi was actually a capable medical doctor and had been helping at the clinic to develop the cure. Though after the first day, Tobi had been delegated to researching the cure only. Apparently, Tobi was a brilliant doctor, but had a horrible bedside manner, consistently 'forgot' to apply anesthetics, and openly mocked the lack of pain tolerance among the patients. It was actually horrifying to discover, both that the childish man they met was smart enough to be a doctor and that the man didn't give his patients pain medication. There is something seriously wrong with that.

Then suddenly, the fans stopped turning. Mordin whipped out his trusty Omni-tool and discovered, to Shepard's dismay, that she would have to go and reactivate them to distribute the cure, and prevent everybody from suffocating. Also, Daniel, have to save him, in the doctor's own words. But hey, she did get a brand-spanking new pistol. An M-6 Carnifex pistol, a very powerful model.

How irritating is that? Also, who tries to suffocate an entire district, while still inside the district!? Well, vorcha aren't known for their intelligence.

Shepard and her squad walked back into the hallway, about to go find the vorcha, and viciously murder them all. Then, they will restart the environmental systems, becoming heroes to the Apartment District of Omega, whereupon no one will care as this is Omega, you just saved a bunch of probable criminals. The squad went to take seats in the lobby as Shepard collected Tobi.

Shepard knocked on the door to the 'storage room', "Hey Tobi! We're going now!"

"Go ahead without me, I'll be just a sec!" his muffled voice told them through the locked door.

"Fine, but hurry up!" she replied.

Shepard walked away and back to the lobby, while momentarily worried about what Tobi might be getting up to, she brushed off her concern. Then, she left with her squad.

Professor Mordin waited a few minutes after Shepard had left, and then checked his Omni-tool to use the cameras he had set up inside the clinic. Seeing no sign of Shepard, he walked over to the storage room and knocked on it 3 times in rapid succession. The door opened without an answer from Tobi.

Inside the darkened room, Tobi was examining the 'results' that Mordin had spoken of. Mordin quickly walked up to his side. The results were actually a series of thick test tubes filled with a green fluid, the test tubes were arranged in a 3 by 7 order, totaling 21.

Inside each test tube, a small sphere was clearly visible.

Each were bright white, with a small circle of black.

They were eyeballs, every one of them. But, to be specific, they were Uchiha eyeballs.

They were Sharingans in the making, but not yet activated.

"The fans turned off." Tobi remarked.

"Vorcha shut down environmental controls." Mordin informed him.

Tobi nodded slowly, acknowledging the information but not reacting. He pulled a pair of medical gloves over his own gloves, snapping them over his wrists. He thrust his hand into one of the test tubes and withdrew the eyeball held within. Tobi lifted it up to the light to better examine it with his own Sharingan. Mordin was dutifully scanning away with his Omni-tool. What Tobi could see with his eye-balls, Mordin had to use specialized equipment to see.

"Hmm... No, this one won't work. The tenketsu are slightly off, see?" he pointed towards the uppermost part of the eyeball.

Mordin eyed his the read-out on his Omni-tool carefully, "Yes, off by 1.7 millimeters."

"Even the smallest change can have disastrous consequences..." Tobi told Mordin, "And if this one is off, the rest will be as well."

"Strange that cloning didn't work... will have to run tests. Hmm..." Mordin typed rapidly into his Omni-tool.

"Maybe 1.7 millimeters is close enough." Tobi mused, "I doubt it, though. The smallest change is a nasty problem that needs to be resolved."

Mordin watched as Tobi carefully turned away from him and lifted the mask from his face, he set it down on the sterilized table beside him. Tobi put the eye back into its test-tube, where it re-entered the vital green goo supplying it with necessary components to remain living with a soft 'plop'. He placed both of his hands against his right eye socket, and the hands glowed blue for a just moment. Mordin glanced at his Omni-tool, the scan showed muscles and nerves being cleanly severed with nary a drop of blood spilled. Tobi withdrew his hands and with them came his personal Sharingan eye... Actually, no, this was some guy's... or maybe a girl's... He didn't know.

Either way, he held his eye in his left hand while his right fished out another from its test tube. He put his eye into the fluid after he had removed the eye that previously occupied it. He raised the new eye to his head, and crammed it into his eye socket. He held his hands up to his face, and they glowed green. Mordin had to scan to see just what the green glow was doing, Mordin wasn't sure how, that was why he was scanning it, but the strange energy that Tobi produced was reconnecting and healing severed nerves, muscles, flesh, etc, etc, until the eye was perfectly sound and connected to its host. The only evidence was some very light and thin scar tissue.

Tobi waited a moment, testing the new eye, trying to forcefully activate his Sharingan.

"No, it's not working, like I thought. We'll just have to try again."

Blue glowing hand were applied to his right eye-socket again, and the eyes were switched. Green glowing hands were reapplied and the failed specimen was placed onto the sterile table. The mask was firmly reapplied over his face. Tobi turned back to the Professor, who had been eagerly recording and taking notes with his Omni-tool, with Tobi's permission. It was part of the deal the two had. Tobi gets free eyeballs, and any other body parts, and Mordin gets limited access to Tobi.

"I have to catch up with Shepard." Tobi informed Mordin, he nodded towards the venerable professor and look him right in the eye, "Mordin."

Professor Mordin nodded back, "Madara."

He blinked, just once, and Madara was gone.

The surveillance cameras showed something different, however. Apparently, Madara just walked away.

After reviewing the recording, Mordin inhaled heavily through his nose, "Problematic."

** (A/N – Ah... much better, no?)**


	8. The Environment is a Lie!

Tobi knew that Shepard worked fast, especially when she had a skilled team to back her up, but her rate of progress was just ridiculous. Immediately outside of Mordin's Clinic, he found no trace of Shepard, which is to be expected as the only way he could track Shepard's progress on the metallic ground was by the corpses she leaves in her wake, and no vorcha would be stupid enough to go near Mordin's Clinic. He isn't terribly technologically knowledgeable, though he is by no means a technophobe, so he couldn't use any of the station's systems to track Shepard.

It's not like he needed to track Shepard through any technological means; he had created a Shadow Clone to send after Shepard. You might be asking yourself, how does Tobi know the Shadow Clone Technique? Well, the Kyuubi brat threw that technique around like it was going out of style, despite not using the correct handseals for it. The handseal the prick used wasn't even a handseal, he was using the equivalent of seal-less Shadow Clone because he was using a hand seal that didn't exist, the dumb-ass. Also, one of the many fabulous benefits of Rinnegan-possessing is that any clones you make, you can see out of and control. So he watched Shepard's progress through the corridors, in fact he was still watching Shepard out of the Clone and he would until he himself arrived on the scene. As a matter of fact, Shepard was fighting a small group of Blood Pack at the moment.

It's strange, having your vision split and having to control multiple bodies. But Tobi was always a fast learner. Hell, a few days after taking Madara's eye out of Nagato's head he was able to use this technique on 6 bodies. The 6 Paths of Pain Technique. Incredibly useful. The actual 'Path' abilities were more effective if used from the original's body, but having 7 interconnected bodies makes you so very versatile in combat. He could literally be in 7 places at once using this technique, and if he used clones he could be in hundreds, maybe thousands of places at once, though he would probably suffer a stroke from the mental strain. So yeah: a reduction in the effectiveness of 'Path' abilities and an inability to use them with your original body until they die in exchange for a squad that you control with your brain, that knows everything you know, and comes with unique powers that make you invincible? Worth it.

The original, and in his humble opinion, the best Tobi followed right after Shepard. And in the next room, at the top of a stairway, he found a small battlefield. Seeing it through your Shadow Clone's eyes was one thing, but seeing it with your own eyes was the exact same thing. It was admittedly fairly hard to walk through without getting blood on his shoes, but Tobi managed by jumping onto the ceiling and walking from there. Shepard wasn't going anywhere, so he figured he had a bit of time to dawdle. He gave the room underneath him a once-over instead of ignoring it like he was planning on doing, and boy was he happy he did! He dropped down next to the corpse of some random krogan, carefully avoiding the growing puddle of blood, and picked up said krogan's M-300 Claymore. God only knows why krogan love this particular shotgun so much, perhaps it was the 1 shot per thermal clip that attracted them? Or maybe the short range?

Oh well, it was expensive and useful when used with Tobi's fighting style. Namely: be intangible then blow their heads off. So Tobi picked it right up as well as some thermal clips he found lying around. Those things really seem to be everywhere, no matter where you are.

Oh look: another krogan corpse, another Claymore! He scampered over and picked that one up too. But, hark! His Clone is telling him something!

Hmm... seems that Shepard finished her little skirmish with the Blood Pack. He should probably hurry up... But that krogan headplate was calling for him... So very expensive on the black market for purposes better left unsaid... ED treatments, trophy racks, _food_! Oh, the delicious soups, like turtle soup, only _krogan_!

He thought he heard something call his name, strange...

He shook his head, trying to clear his mind of the headplate... But it just... He couldn't stop thinking of it... He looked back, the artificial light played on its contours, showing every scar, accentuating every curve... The colors were bright and beautiful, but the battle scars proved its age. Rust red, but with a hint of blood-red that just made the rest pop. Such a 'plate would go for thousands with the right bidding environment.

"DOCTOR!"

Tobi furrowed his brow, who was that talking? He looked over his shoulder, one of his Claymores spinning round, behind him was some guy... oddly familiar...

"Are you alright, Doctor Tobi?" the man asked as though he had asked the question many times before.

"Yes, of course I am." Tobi replied, confusion evident in his tone.

"It's just," the man started apprehensively, "You were muttering, almost angrily, but there's nobody here."

Tobi looked around, there was no one else present save him and the man, and a rather large number of corpses.

"Who are you anyways?" Tobi asked the man, "And I wasn't speaking with anyone."

"I am Daniel, we worked at the Clinic together." Daniel answered, concern in his tone, "Are you sure you are feeling well? We've met before."

"Yes, fine. Uh... good day!" Tobi took a step back, he then retreated from the hallucinating man, still following Shepard's trail.

The nerve of that man! Telling him he was shouting at nothing when he obviously wasn't! Perhaps the plague was affecting Daniel, maybe the plague causes a very gradual psychosis in humans? He didn't have time to think about that, nor did he care overly much on the matter.

He distracted himself by forcing his thoughts to turn to his newly acquired bounty. 2 krogan shotguns! Despite being manufactured by humans, only krogan could use them, allegedly. But Tobi had seen other species using the weapon. They probably had some sort of recoil dampener or some armor mods to better take the kickback, but he had seen non-krogans using the weapon all the same!

The recoil and weight of the weapon wasn't a problem for him, he was a shinobi, a modified shinobi at that. His strength far eclipsed any other race's strength. Using a Claymore would be a pittance for him, and using a shotgun named the Claymore would be only slightly more difficult!

He hiked his way up the stairs that Shepard had taken, his thoughts still on the shotguns. In the interests of his future, the one where he didn't feel like using chakra and then explaining it, he felt that the shotguns could do some good. He could hide most of his abilities and only use the shotguns. Saves him from explaining his abilities... Thought he had already demonstrated some of them...

Wait... He had an idea.

Killing people, these aliens, was easy... _too_ easy... Maybe if he restricted himself from some of his abilities, he would have more difficulty and then, perhaps, more _fun_. To be honest, Aria and Omega was interesting no matter what he did, but fighting the fools that infest the asteroid station was pretty easy once he got the hang of it. Sure, projectiles going a percentage of the speed of light were difficult to deal with at first, but even that had become easy in time.

Tobi had the thought that if he revealed some of his abilities, but never explained them, he could drive Shepard mad with curiosity... That would be fun too. Alright: so no restricting his abilities, but never going out of his way to demonstrate them either. If he could do it with nothing but intangibility and his new shotguns, then he would do it that way. He should probably test his shotguns first, he knew they worked, Shepard's memories attested to that, but he hadn't used them himself.

If he remembered correctly, there should be a pair of batarians at the top of the stairs in a room off to the left. Well, 2 shotguns, 2 targets. He stepped in front of the door way, death just a press of an Omni-tool away. He adjusted the shotguns, bracing them against his hips with a hand on each of the grips, a finger on each trigger.

Ugh.

He tried a different adjustment.

Yeah, this wouldn't work. He couldn't be accurate with this and if he missed, albeit unlikely, there was no way he could reload in time. He'd have to 'cheat' and use some shinobi powers or something. No can do.

He dropped the shotguns from over his hips and held them point down from each hand. He looked down at the Claymores in each hand, silently thinking on how he was going to resolve this dilemma...

**With Shepard:**

Shepard was _this_ close to breaking down into a blood rage only a krogan could ever really be appreciative of. She wasn't quite sure how vorcha breed, but judging by the numbers she was fighting, it was in litters of a dozen or more. The little bastards just keep coming! And they could regenerate as well, unless you shot them full of lead modded with Inferno rounds. That's not even mentioning the krogan they fought. They weren't even hard to fight, they were just _irritating_.

After they left Mordin's Clinic, there was nothing but a staircase separating them from a room, more like a courtyard, really, full of Blood Pack.

They had stormed that room fucking textbook style. Miranda and that black guy she momentarily forgot the name of went left, while Zaeed and Shepard went right. But the mercs didn't notice their initial entrance, so her squad managed to let off a fusillade that took down most of them, the only actual fight came when reinforcements came in from a few rooms off to the side. They were still quickly cut down in the cross fire between her fire-team and Miranda's.

As her squad jogged up the stairs leading towards the environmental controls, she couldn't help but feel like she was being watched. Scanning the room behind her left her fears unwarranted, but her instincts still yelled at her that someone was there.

An instant of barely ruminating on the subject of _who_ exactly was watching them left Shepard with an image of Tobi's mask. It made the most sense: the merc/assassin would be checking in on his future employer while 'staying behind' on some unknown pretense. If true, it showed that Tobi certainly wasn't the fool that he pretended to be. If false, then either an unknown party was watching her team or she was wrong and no one was observing them.

Daniel was easily saved from the pair of batarians. The threat of being shot in the face will do that to you, especially when told that the man you were holding hostage might very well have been trying to help you. Besides, if the batarians had tried to start anything, they would have died. One had just stood in the corner, assault rifle or not, he was out of cover. And the other batarian, the talkative one, hadn't even gotten behind Daniel in the more classical hostage scenario, using Daniel's body as a shield. He also would have died quickly due to lack of cover.

Thankfully, the resolution of that situation had been peaceful. No deaths or wounds on either side, despite the slight lingering resentment Shepard held towards batarians for all the bullshit they've done to her, humans, and every other sapient species.

The very next door she went through had her irritated. It led to a balcony, a great tactical position considering that many vorcha were below the balcony and in perfect view. Unfortunately this balcony was also directly across from another balcony, this one full of Blood Pack vorcha with _rocket launchers_! Shepard had ordered Zaeed to remain in the back and pick off the rocket launchers with his sniper rifle, and the aged mercenary had killed the offending vorcha with alacrity.

Stupidly, the vorcha downstairs had not charged up the stairs. They chose to remain in their tactically horrible location and rain ineffectual fire up at her squad. The only reason they lived for more than a few minutes was the fact that the 6 or so vorcha with rocket launchers pinned them down. Zaeed quickly finished them off however, and the vorcha below them were equally quickly annihilated.

Curiously, there were no krogan in this particular battle. It stands to reason, however: there could only be so many krogan willing to work with the vorcha.

The Blood Pack was originally a vorcha-only gang, one that was taken over by a krogan warlord. This led to recruitment from both the krogan and vorcha population, though the krogan were the actual mercenaries and the vorcha were just meat-shields. In this particular company of Blood Pack, the opposite appeared to be true. Perhaps the Pack was in chaos after she killed their leader, what was his name, Garm?

Shepard didn't particularly care about the reasons behind less krogan enemies, she just happily accepted the result. Less krogan was always a nice gift. Unless the krogan were fighting on her side. Hell, if she could have Wrex back on her squad, she'd be much more happy and confident in their chances. She really wished that Tali had agreed to come with her... The adorable little quarian had business with the Fleet, unfortunately.

Her squad quickly secured the lower courtyard, she stacked up on the door alongside Zaeed before opening the door. Inside was nothing, no vorcha, yet. Shepard and Zaeed provided cover from the door while Miranda and... Jacob? Went inside and behind cover.

Good thing too, because a pair of vorcha and a krogan walked out from around the corner. After a short, tense firefight, the trouble makers were put down.

God she loved leading a squad with more than 3 people. There had been an issue with the Mako and only holding 3 people, but with the SR-2 and the shuttle, she could take a lot more people on the ground missions. With just 3 people, the entire trip to Omega would have taken far longer. With more people, more tactical options were open to her, more fire power was available, more manpower... It was just better, all around. It's not like she did stealth missions ever, more soldiers were always good on non-stealthy missions, in her humble, experienced, commander opinion.

A staircase, a doorway, and however many enemies were on the other side of the doorway was all that stood between her and saving an entire district from plague, suffocation, and gaining Mordin as a squad member.

She stacked up with Zaeed again, Jacob and Miranda off to the side. The door opened, and 4 barrels of guns poked through the doorway.

"Ragh! You no come here! We shut down machines, break fans, everyone choke and die!"

Oh look, a talkative vorcha. You really don't see that everyday. Miranda and Jacob moved in and got behind cover, Zaeed and Shepard followed right after them once they were behind cover. If the vorcha was dumb enough to allow them to get behind cover instead of shooting when he had the chance, Shepard won't complain.

"Than Collectors make us strong!"

And connected to the Collectors too, just like she and Mordin thought.

"What do the Collectors want?" she demanded of the foul thing.

The vorcha leaned its head back, "Ragh!" or something equally phlegm-filled, "Collectors want plague! You work for Doctor! Turn on machines, put cure in air! We kill- Argh!" the vorcha went down under a grate that suddenly dropped from the sky... with Tobi riding it down?

The grate crushed the irritating vorcha under its bulk, and with Tobi riding on top the effect was similar to a cheese grater.

"Wwwwrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy!" Tobi cried, with his pelvis thrust forward and his head tilted back.

**Flashback:**

The problem was the fact that he couldn't wield both weapons with each hand at the same time. He could, actually, but it wouldn't be very efficient, his reload speed would be awful. So he decided, as any sane man might, that he would simply connect the 2 Claymores together. And, lacking a safe method to weld them together, he Kamui'd a roll of the greatest substance made on Earth. Duct tape.

Using the mystical gift from the stars, Tobi quickly and efficiently taped the 2 guns together. However, he was not done there. He knew that duct tape could cure all of his woes, like any reasonable man. However, he did not have enough duct tape: the only drawback in duct tape repairs and manufacturing. Anything could be done with sufficient duct tape.

He didn't have enough, so he also Kamui'd in a moderately-sized tanker of Omni-gel. He did not know what possessed anyone from not continuing the use of this secondary wondrous gift from the heavens, but whoever it was is a supreme idiot. It was basically programmable fluid. And in this instance, he decided to 'program' the stuff into binding the 2 shotgun together. It looked like blackened plastic once it was done. It would be too heavy for any normal being to use, Omni-gel is a jelly, and therefore heavy in large quantities, and Claymores were almost renowned for their weight as well. Combined, it looked like some bastardized ancient .50 caliber twin-linked machine gun used on humanity's ancient bombers.

Except it was a shotgun. A twin-linked shotgun, or close to it. Tobi could feel the fan-boy in him squee-ing.

The thermal clips would be ejected from the top during a reload, so there were no troubles there. The only real issue was the distance between one grip and the other, and the same distance between triggers. He'd have to shift his hand from one to the other just to shoot the magnificent thing. But it was worth it to be able to shoot a Claymore twice in a row.

Shoot something with a Claymore and it would probably die. Shoot something twice with a Claymore, and it _would_ die.

Now, he was ready to test his beautiful shotgun... He would name it the Zweihander until he could contact the guys down at Aria's creative labs.

He braced the weapon of mass destruction against his hip and looked at the door blocking his way to the batarian test subjects. He gripped the left handle and put his finger on the trigger, he practiced the switch between the 2 grips a few times. He'd use the left barrel for the left batarian, and the right for the right. He'd have to be more careful with his aiming, that was the trouble with side-by-side double barreled weapons. Over-under double barreled weapons were easier to use. But, in all honesty, he was using a Dual-Claymore shotgun in close quarters.

_ Aiming wasn't necessary._

A single press of a button on his Omni-tool opened the door.

2 batarians, as expected. They both looked up simultaneously.

"Wha-" the batarian on the left was cut off by his death by BLAM.

The guy on the right tried to dive behind a low wall/counter in the corner, but Tobi's Zweihander easily tracked him and with another BLAM the other batarian was dead as well.

All fell silent in a few moments, even the systems that ran the station that one could always hear in the background, not just the environmental systems, had seemingly fallen silent in awe of the weapon. Tobi looked down at the still-smoking shotgun with an uncharacteristic grin behind his mask.

_It worked!_

**Present Time:**

"Wwwwrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy!" he tilted back, but thrust his pelvis forward.

Tobi – wielding a weapon that Shepard didn't recognize – raised the bulky, blocky thing with one hand at the vorcha to his right, and BLAMMED its head right off. Tobi quickly spun on his heels, using the recoil to his benefit, and shot the head of the second vorcha off with another blast from his very, very loud gun. Tobi then did a small victory dance, digging the grating further into the back of the hopefully-dead vorcha underneath it.

There were no other vorcha, Tobi had checked. He was allowed to do this one thing, a small reward for crawling through the ducts for a 'tactical' advantage, which was really just allowing for a showy entrance. He may or may not be intentionally ripping off something that was ripped off of something else, but he had his moments, his favorite characters. He could steal a line or 2 from them, and no one would be the wiser.

"Tobi," a harsh, angry voice shouted, probably Shepard, "What the hell was that!?"

Tobi reflexively wilted and start to rub the back of his neck, but Zaeed stepped in.

"Gotta give 'im points for the entrance, Shepard. Showy or not, it was damned effective." Zaeed wryly commented.

Shepard sighed and glanced at the rest of her squad. Miranda seemed unaffected, as did Zaeed. Jacob on the other hand...

Jacob was trying to regain hearing in his right ear with his finger, "Ugh, I've heard of people describing a shotgun blast like a bark, but that was... something else."

"I call it the Zweihander, I made it myself a few minutes ago!" Tobi proudly declared, handing the 'creation' over to Shepard.

Shepard took the proffered shotgun, "Oof, it's heavy." it was exceedingly heavy, not something she could ever use in combat.

"Zweihander, ay?" Zaeed peered closer, "Goddamn, you just put a pair of Claymores together."

"With duct tape and... Omni-gel?" Miranda added, "Omni-gel hasn't been used in almost 2 and 1/2 years. And finding duct tape on Omega would be a miracle."

"Yeah, I just... don't like getting rid of stuff." Tobi sheepishly admitted, "So... do you like it, Sheppy?" he asked with childlike wonder.

Shepard grunted as she used her entire body just to shove it closer to Tobi, who took it with one hand like it was nothing. Damn, what exercise regiment was he on? Shepard was like 30% cybernetics and even she thought that weapon was heavy.

"If you can improvise a Claymore that fires 2 shots, as well as use the same weapon effectively in combat, in addition to being a successful medical doctor, then I have no reason to not have you on the crew." Shepard started.

"YES!" Tobi cried, both hands in the air.

"But if you try to treat someone on my ship without the proper pain medication, I _will_ be removing something very precious to you: your life." Shepard finished threateningly.

Tobi waved her off, "Yeah, yeah, you sound like my mother."

"Your mother sounds like a very violent woman." Jacob commented.

"I'll have you know that I am an orphan and have never met my mother, you ass." Tobi yelled indignantly.

Jacob furrowed his brow in confusion, "But you just said-"

"Enough!" Shepard ended the conversation, "We still have to turn the environmental control back on."

Tobi popped 2 thermal clips out of the Zweihander, before putting 2 more in. Reloading took a significant amount of time for this monster of a shotgun, but it was worth the damage it could put out. Much like one deals with a crazy woman for all the sex she can put out, on second thought, that is a poor analogy. He silently mourned the loss of the pump-action that he had seen in movies, they were so cool when pumped at the proper time for dramatic effect, but his shotgun was extra-killy, so he was mollified.

EDI pointed out the central control mainframe and how to pump in the cure. But, Tobi was not privy to whatever went on in their private comms, yet. Apparently, neither was Zaeed. Neither of them have been connected to the secured network of the Normandy. That didn't mean that Tobi couldn't hear everything EDI said: Shepard, the black guy, and Miranda were just talking out loud to someone named EDI and he could hear her responses because Shinobi could hear _everything_. Like that. And that.

Thank god for user-friendly environmental controls. Apparently, there was an on/off button right there in the middle of the keyboard. However, Tobi was slightly concerned: who would have an on/of switch for environmental controls? It seems rather stupid, any old person can walk by and be like, 'Everyone is going to die!' Even stupid people like the vorcha managed to figure out how to turn off the damn thing. The environmental systems were re-engaged, and the cure inserted.

"The cure's locked in," the black guy helpfully noted, "Once we get the fans running we should be good."

Poor, under-educated, stereotypical black man: it should be 'well'. Maybe it was just the translators...

Tobi was wrong: there were more vorcha, shortly after pressing the big on/off button, vorcha flooded into the room like so much putrid puss. Get it? It's because they're ugly. Vorcha from every corridor and some from above, there were even some balconies that were quickly filled with vorcha of all stripes, but mostly vorcha armed with rocket launchers. Even a krogan or 2 appeared on the ground floor. Apparently, hearing the deaths of your friends was not the cue for reinforcements. Turn on the environmental systems, however, and all sorts of hell breaks loose.

The squad quickly got into cover. Thankfully, there were strategically positioned walls to hide behind, thick enough to survive sustained rocket fire. The first thing Tobi did when he saw the vorcha is lift his Zweihander and fire off both barrels at once, something that probably would have broken most of the bones of the average human, and probably genin and most chunin. Normally killing the enemy with a shotgun it would be a useless endeavor, seeing as they were fairly far away. With the near mass-less pellets, eezo-powered shotguns _quickly_ lose their effectiveness at range. But Tobi was wielding a pair of Claymores; the vorcha he targeted died. It wasn't annihilated, nor was it vaporized, but it was ventilated, and that was good enough for a kill. Any closer, however, and he literally could have painted the walls with vorcha blood.

The vorcha on the ground were smart enough to use cover albeit not smart enough to not try and fight Shepard and the gang. Too bad. They were going to die. As Tobi reloaded, the others fired back at the Blood Pack, alternatively using their biotics, tech programs, and their actual weapons. The ground vorcha died in an instant or so, they were really terrible, or maybe average, specimens of their species.

As luck would have it, Shepard and Tobi were taking cover right beside each other. Shepard stuck her head up out of cover, but did not fire, she just spotted the vorcha on the balcony before getting back under the wall.

"Okay, how the hell do I do this again?" Shepard muttered to herself.

Tobi neglected to inform her that speaking to oneself is a sign of insanity. However, as commonly noted, sanity is for the weak.

Shepard stood and, surprisingly, formed a blue corona of light around her. She did the motions that were typically taught to biotics for a 'Lift', basically making a target mass-less and then they fly up into the air.

Except, Shepard's... hehehe, it just kind of turned them into a bloody smear on the ceiling. She was either a really, really good biotic or she couldn't control her biotics much... Also; since when did Shepard become a biotic?

Shepard sank back into cover with a groan, "That's not what I wanted, but I'll take it."

The vorcha, for now, were dead. There would probably be more, in fact Tobi could hear them crawling around up there, but it was calm for now.

"Shepard!" Tobi yelled, "You never told me you were a biotic! Come to think of it, the news never mentioned you being a biotic either..."

"I wasn't," Shepard explained, "But then the Lazarus program, the one that brought me back to life, somehow turned me into a biotic. I'm not gonna complain, being a biotic has its uses. I have no idea how to control it very well though."

"Shepard's correct," Miranda noted, "Cerberus was able to make Shepard into a biotic. It is, however, a unique situation. The surgery required is oftentimes deadly, not a single test subject has survived the implantation of eezo with any degree of combat potential. Thankfully, Commander Shepard was not alive when the surgery was performed."

"Yeah, so because I died, I get to reap the benefits of all the people that Cerberus has tortured to death over the years." Shepard scathingly said.

"The cell working on that surgery has been restricted from performing it on live humans until they can refine their techniques to the point where the people survive the experience." Miranda replied.

The tension was palpable. Miranda's frosty, 'Bitch, I kill people.' glare clashed with Shepard's fiery, 'I will destroy you and shove things of yours where they shouldn't be logically shoved.' glare. God, it was kind of hot, actually. What's his name, the porn writer... Jiraiya! He would've had a field day with this one. Tobi wasn't a large fan of Icha Icha, mostly because he was a bit of a dick at the time the 'novels' were popular, but the point still stands.

"Why don't you 2 have sex and get it over with?" Tobi muttered the only thing a 'fool' would say at this particular moment.

"Partially because it is not sexual tension, Tobi, and partially because I am not a lesbian." Shepard replied, her tone deceptively sweet.

"And neither am I," Miranda added.

They were all staring at him now, but at least Zaeed had a grin. The black guy looked like he wanted to grin but was too frightened to do anything. Coward.

"I really like this place." Tobi cheerfully announced, "The girls back home would have beaten me into the ground for saying that!" _Yelling, 'Pervert!' in that disgustingly irritating voices of theirs._

"I don't know where you grew up, but here, we have laws against aggravated assault." Shepard quipped, "But we still have a job to do, let's get it done."

You might be thinking to yourself, just how difficult is it to turn on a pair of fans? The answer: surprisingly difficult. Shepard had the fantastic idea that having 5 people walk together to one console and then another was a little strange. So she split the group, Cerberus on one side, non-Cerberus on the other.

Why?

Because she doesn't trust the Cerberus guys. Seriously, Cerberus were basically Space Nazis, who would ever trust anyone remotely affiliated with them? Idiots, that's who. Shepard trusted her life with Zaeed, a mercenary, and Tobi, a mercenary/assassin that acted like an idiot over the Cerberus Space Nazis.

The fans were turned on a approximately the same time, prompting another wave of foes to beat into the ground. In Tobi's defense, even he didn't just how many Blood Pack mercs they still had to kill. He would have mentioned if he thought it was more than 8 or so. But, the second after they flipped the switches to turn the fans back on, a whole heap of them came out of the wood works, which is quite a feat as there were no woods and neither were there any works in the area.

Shepard and Zaeed quickly ran to cover, firing back admirably. Tobi sauntered over intangible, like a gentleman. If you ever have to run at any time, then you did something wrong. You didn't properly prepare your schedule or you weren't powerful enough to defeat that foe, running is unacceptable to gentlemen.

Despite concluding that lowering and restricting his own abilities would make working with Shepard more interesting, Tobi decided to splurge. Just a little bit. Just a teensy, weensy bit.

So, he gently set his Master Crafted Zweihander down, and yanked his right hand off. Coming with the hand, and revealing a hollow arm, was a long, thin cord of metal with small tubes sticking off of it.

Then, all those tubes shot off like literal rockets, because they were rockets, and targeted the enemy.

While yelling out the technique while among people who didn't know what a jutsu was would be stupid, Tobi had to, at the very least, whisper its name to himself.

"**Flaming Arrow Missiles**!"

**(A/N – a couple things:**

** 1) I am no good at writing fight scenes, I prefer to focus on dialogue, exposition, and humor. If someone wants to volunteer and is also capable, feel free to ask. I'll go back and replace these mediocre fight scenes with the hopefully quality ones that someone else can write up.**

** 2) Since I mentioned Jiraiya, I've been thinking: I really want to see a story like this, only with Jiraiya inserted. Someone get to work on that! In fact, I want to see all of the major supporting characters get their own insertion! But no Sakura, Sasuke, or Naruto. People like Kakashi, Jiraiya, Pain, Madara, Itachi, Kisame, anyone in Akatsuki, Hiruzen! Powerful, important, but usually overlooked characters that are mentioned and shown but never given their own story to excel in! It's a niche that needs to be filled! Would that not be awesome, comrades!?)**


	9. Mom!

** (A/N – I'm kind of disappointed in you guys: not a single one of you noticed the nod towards switching your classes between the Mass Effect games, even if your character wasn't previously a biotic. Also: when I said I wanted the other characters from Naruto inserted like Tobi was, I meant as separate stories without Tobi or any other character in it.)**

If there was one thing that Tobi could say about the Asura Path, it's that using it was always a freaky experience. His arm, or any other part of his body that he happens to be using at the time, literally turns into a metallic cyborg part from its normal, fleshy self. The sensation is indescribable. One moment your 'insert body part name here' was flesh and blood, and the very next instant it was sprouting some form of advanced technology the shinobi homeworld hadn't possessed, despite the Rinnegan originating from there, and killing things, sometimes without input from the wielder. He remembered that he tried growing 2 more heads like Nagato's Asura Path did, and that wasn't a very pleasant experience _at all_. Don't get me wrong, it worked, it just ranked fairly high on the list of weird things that had happened to him, which is surprising. 270 degree vision was slightly more difficult to understand than 7 different perspectives, believe it or not.

A second thing that could be said about the Asura Path is that all of its techniques are frighteningly destructive, frightening for the enemy of course. For the user and those on his side, it was like packing a Multiple Launch Racket System (MLRS) into your arm. You'd be surprised how powerful those miniature missiles were; they could take down entire buildings with only one hit. Granted they were crummy civilian buildings on a low-technology world, but still, a whole building.

Also: it was terrifying. He had no control over the missiles! Have you ever been in a room full of highly explosive, miniature sized missiles that were whizzing around as fast as can be and just waiting to blow up in your face!? It's awful! Thankfully, the room had proven that it could sustain the explosive power of missiles, the damn vorcha proved that, so they were safe from the danger of sudden room collapse. But it was like someone kicked a beehive, only the bees were small missiles and wanted to kill you, and the beehive was Tobi's arm, and nobody kicked the beehive, Tobi just unscrewed his hand from his arm... On second thought, the only similarity is that the missiles were swarming-

BOOM. BOOM.

"MY LEG!"

KABOOM.

"THEY GOT FRANK! THEY GOT-"

BOOMBOOMBOOM.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING- URK!"

BOOMBEBOOOMBOOM.

Hehehe, kinda funny once you got through the fear.

Everybody was yelling and screaming, even his side of the battle as they had clearly not gotten through the fear to see the funny. He had correctly assumed earlier that it was terrifying, he just wished that they could see the humor. Shepard and Zaeed had been shooting at the enemy, but decided against that as a swarm of missiles rocketed past their faces and into the room. (No one of any kind of intelligence is going to shoot into a room flooded with missiles. That causes explosions.) Now they were taking turns gawking at him, his dislocated hand, the cord dangling from his hand, and the swarm of missiles ruthlessly blowing up every living thing in the room just beyond. Thank god they had turned on the fans, this much smoke and gunpowder in the air could throw a man into fits! His mask didn't even have a filter!

So they had to bunker down for a few minutes to avoid death, and the whole time Shepard was glaring at Tobi like it was somehow his fault. She had tried screaming at him, but she had knocked that off soon after she had started once she realized that her voice wouldn't carry over the sound of rocketry death whizzing around like 15 feet away.

She was mouthing something at him, hmm...

Somehow, despite the fact that his translator and all translators worked in real time to translate any words they pick up and not any mouthing of words, and Tobi seriously doubted that his translator could hear the words over the rockets, Tobi bent the language barrier over its desk, and gave it a severe 'spanking', because there was no other way he could understand what she was trying to say to him.

She was mouthing, "Make them stop." with clear, very well articulated facial expressions and mouth movements. It would be as clear as day to any native speaker of the language.

However, Tobi did not speak English, or whichever language Shepard spoke. It's roughly similar to speaking slowly to a foreigner; it doesn't matter how fast you speak because they don't know the language! Tobi couldn't know what Shepard was mouthing because his translator wasn't working. Shepard was just mouthing the words, the translator can't translate that, even if it could hear Shepard's voice over the noise. Shepard was just acting like a fool or maybe she incorrectly assumed he spoke English. However, due to the previously mentioned and mostly impossible language barrier 'spanking', Tobi was able to clearly understand her words.

But how to respond...? 'Yes' was out of the question because he wasn't sure if he could, then again he had never really tried either. 'No' was out of the question because Shepard would assume that he was refusing to turn the missiles off and get pissed off, and from what little he could tell, pissing off Shepard was a bad idea. Not for him, really, he was basically God to these puny flesh-lings (Hehe, Tobi always wanted to say that and now he could because of Asura Path-chan!), but it certainly was a bad idea for anyone else that ever pissed off Shepard.

But... perhaps a majestic shrug? It communicates (kinda) his inability to stop the missiles while simultaneously pissing Shepard off more. A win-win for everybody! Also: a shrug cut through all language barriers, though no one was quite sure how. Seriously; some very smart and well learned scholars from every species had tried to decipher the burning question, but none had ever found an answer as to why such an action was immune to language.

So he did a majestic, beautiful example of the common shrug as demonstrated by a species with the grace of genuine predators! Hands raised to shoulder level, palms up, and a slight raise in their altitude combined with a sheepish, albeit unseen, grin and a similar raise in the shoulders. Beautiful, professional, artwork in motion, let's turn to our panel of judges... we have a 10... another 10... and a... 9.8! A new world recor-

OW! Shepard punched him on the shoulder, she has a wicked right hook. He must have acted out the judge panel without realizing it. Sometimes he put on the act a little thick, and sometimes he loses himself in the act... Damn funny though.

Shepard pointed a harsh finger at his throat then mimed strangling him. Tobi replied by miming a series of flying objects with his fingers that blew up, and over time he lowered their numbers one by one. And then he shrugged again.

Shepard sighed heavily. She probably finally got that he didn't control the missiles.

Wait a second... could he control the missiles...? He had never tried this technique before, but it stands to reason that he could control them. Oh well. He went through the trouble to mime that he couldn't, so he won't. It's not like he's in any danger from the missiles. Whether it be from the missiles not targeting him or his own personal skill, he would be fine from any missile that strayed too close.

A few explosions later, and a quick scan with his dojutsu, and Tobi knew that all of the other living things in the room were dead. Except for Miranda and that black guy, they had taken cover on their side of the room and miraculously survived the onslaught. Despite similar actions taken by the Blood Pack, none of them survived. Maybe the jutsu worked on thoughts, or maybe instinct? He didn't really want to kill those 2, in fact he kind of wanted to keep them alive, so maybe the missiles ignored them for his sake?

Cool.

However, this was just a theory. Also: the missiles were still swarming in the room and the no one really wanted to walk out into the death swarm, reassured by Tobi's idea or not.

Rolling with the idea, Tobi peeked his head out of cover. He gazed at the swarm and thought basic deactivation thoughts. It wasn't nearly as fun or cool as you might think it would be. It was actually fairly boring.

'_Stop._' Tobi thought, and nothing happened.

Tobi tried being polite, perhaps the missiles need to be wooed?

'_Please stop._' he thought.

He spent a few moment in quiet contemplation before he tried again.

'_Uhm, target... that corner over there._' he thought and mentally pointed.

Okay, it might have been just coincidence, but a missile _did_ go over to the corner Tobi was focusing on and explode. Tobi doubted that it was a coincidence. There was still a swarm though... how to get rid of all of them at once?

'_Target the other Flaming Arrow Missiles!'_ Tobi thought, and mildly hoped that they would listen.

To his great pleasure, they did! Though his comrades did have to go through the terrifying and awe-inspiring experience of watching a series of missiles dog-fight each other. They didn't even have guns or more, smaller rockets to dog-fight, but they did have themselves. Tobi recorded the whole thing with his Sharingan, it was certainly worth watching. How many times will you see a swarm of missiles try to kill each other?

Tobi offered some encouragement, '_Whoever is the last one flying gets their daddy's love and a hug!_'

He may just be imagining it, but Tobi could have sworn on every grave he's ever filled with a shinobi that the missiles picked up the pace. Some started to act more cautiously, and some acted more recklessly. Clearly in a hurry to kill all of their fellow or survive their fellows. The reckless ones didn't really think it through, when they impacted another missile, they both blew up. The cautious ones were where the real money was. A betting pool was being formed between Tobi and Tobi.

After a few minutes of more explosions the noise started to go down. Less rockets equals less noise. Simple math. The others finally grew a spine and stuck their heads up over the low wall and looked at the missiles. They were subject to a markedly less intense version of Missiles Vs. Missiles, Revenge of the Heat Seekers II. Poor bastards.

8 left... BOOM, 6 left... BOOMBOOM, good one, a bit of shrapnel hit another missile, 3 left. Well, you know how that song and dance goes... 2 of them slammed into each other, creating a wonderful explosion.

The last one flew around for a bit, probably looking for another opponent. This was one of the cautious missiles, Tobi beat the spread!

After a few moments, the missile instead locked onto Tobi, and rocketed straight towards him! The missile flew towards Tobi, who ducked at what others (mortals) might assume to be the last moment, the rocket, tragically, exploded against the wall.

After a moment of thought, Tobi realized that the missile was going to get its hug and love from its daddy, him. And he denied the missile its just reward... Tobi is sad now. He cried, just a little bit, inside.

Shepard and Zaeed stood up and went to go do something, he didn't care. Tobi stumbled to his feet and glumly followed Shepard, still shocked at his unintentional cruelty. He hadn't meant to do it! He just avoided what he thought was death! That poor, poor missile.

That black guy and the booby lady met them at the door, the one that leads back to the Clinic. It was the staring that brought him out of his sudden depression. But they weren't staring at him, they were staring at his... hands? Why would they- Oh yeah, he didn't put his hands back on. Hehehe.

He held up the hand holding his hand so that they might get a better look at them. Let no man say that Tobi isn't accommodating to others' wishes!

Miranda seemed much more interested than the others. Jacob didn't know quite how to react, he seemed to be ranging between confusion, disgust, and fear. Zaeed was unperturbed, he'd probably seen a lot of things. And Shepard was Shepard.

"Where the hell do you get a robot arm packed with missiles?" she asked, almost... hungrily?

Tobi was kind enough to reply, "Well, first you have to lose an arm. Second you have to kill God and steal one his eyeballs. Then you-" he was cut off by Miranda, no one seemed to be paying attention to his mostly-true story... Aw...

"I'm sure we can speak of the technological marvel safely aboard the Normandy." she said.

Did she just call him a technological marvel? Or the arm? She hasn't even _begun_ to see what he could so with that arm, what he _has_ done with the arm.

Shepard glanced over at him, supreme disappointment in her eyes, "Fine. I guess we can. Welcome to the team, Tobi." she reached out to shake his hand, but then realized that he only has one hand at the moment and that was occupied with holding his other hand.

So Tobi thought, '_Why not_', and bade his hand shake hers. The one with the cord dangling from it, the one that wasn't currently connected to his arm. That's the cool thing about the hand, the cord could be used to control the hand when sufficient pressure is applied in certain areas.

Shepard gingerly shook the hand and whispered under her breath, "So cool..."

She let go of the hand and just kind of stared at hers for a little bit.

After her moment of awe, she asked, "If someone loses a limb, can you get them a replacement like this?"

She was probably thinking of Garrus. Aw... they were probably good friends. It's not like he lost a limb, but he might have lost something... Complications during surgery can do all sorts of things to a body, he should know.

"Sadly, this arm is mine and mine alone. Totally unique! Cannot be duplicated." Tobi informed her.

Miranda got a look in her eyes that clearly said that she either took that as a challenge, or that she wanted to eat him... Tobi wasn't terribly good at reading the thoughts of others through their eyeballs. Kakashi was good at doing that, but he wasn't quite so adept.

Shepard sighed, "Come on, let's go get the Professor. The Collectors wait for no one. Also, Tobi, you should know just what we are going to be doing on this mission..."

So Shepard told him. He had a bit of an idea, he wasn't totally dense. In fact, he was one of the most perceptive shinobi alive. Mostly because he was one of two Uchiha alive, and both have their Sharingan. Did you know that most in the Uchiha Clan never even activated their Sharingan? He wasn't quite sure why... but he had some ideas. See, most in the Uchiha Clan activate their Sharingan during either an emotionally traumatizing moment or when they get into a life or death battle and they might just lose the fight. This leads to Tobi's hypothesis that the Sharingan is activated during times of difficulty. And since the Uchiha Clan was filled with naturally emotionally durable people and that the Uchiha Clan ran the Military Police force (the most cushy and coddling job ever invented in a shinobi village), many did not have an opportunity to develop the Sharingan.

Even the most foul-tempered, drunk off his ass shinobi would think twice before attacking their fellow shinobi. And fewer still would actively try to kill you. And the drunken shinobi was the #1 thing that the Military Police dealt with on a day to day basis. The only other thing was infiltrators from other villages, but that was rare as they are usually intercepted at the gates or in the field.

So while in the village, the Uchiha wouldn't usually face any situation that would cause them to activate their Sharingan. And since only a few left the village... you get my point.

The evolution of the Sharingan was actually quite fascinating. It had everything to do with emotions and perception.

You get the Sharingan originally to deal with an emotional trauma or you perceiving that you will die. The Sharingan develops to defend you from the threat.

You further mature the Sharingan through use or similar situation to how you activated it originally. The Sharingan matures to protect you from danger.

You get the Mangekyou Sharingan when someone you care about dies, whether or not you killed them is inconsequential. The Mangekyou develops to protect you from the emotional trauma of the death of a loved one.

It's like a muscle! The more you use it, the better it gets!

After that, the evolution is mostly artificial. The Eternal Mangekyou is gained by replacing your eyes with another pair of Mangekyou eyes. Traditionally your brother, but that's probably inconsequential too. The Uchiha Clan is fairly interbred, like the Hyuga Clan.

Then you get the Rinnegan by either being a child of the Senju and the Uchiha, by being an Uchiha with Senju DNA crammed into you, or a Senju with Sharingan eyes crammed into you. Of course, only one of these actually ever happened.

Come to think of it, he was an Uchiha with Senju DNA crammed into him... Maybe he would develop the Rinnegan naturally! Or rather, 'naturally'. But would he need the Eternal Mangekyou to evolve the Rinnegan? Questions, questions. The scientific method states that you have to be able to repeat your experiment, so he would have to either wait for the Rinnegan or get the Eternal (somehow) and then wait for the Rinnegan. Oh, if only he had a wider test base! This would be so interesting!

Unfortunately, that is impossible. Every other species that he knows about would die in seconds or even less due to a severe lack of chakra. And cloning wasn't working out on his eyes, let alone an entire species! Yet.

The mission briefing was actually surprisingly short. Turns out, they had almost no information so part of the mission is getting the information necessary to do the actual mission. It's not like he hasn't had one of those missions before. Fun times.

The mission briefing did, however, last long enough to get them to the Clinic.

Then they had to repeat the whole thing with a very grateful Dr. Solus. With Daniel saved and an entire district of Omega simultaneously not suffocated and not plague-ridden, Mordin had plenty to be grateful for.

So Mordin came along with the group. They made Jacob carry all the equipment that Mordin had to bring, though Mordin did supply a trolley. It was a series of boxes, each more mysterious and covered in tarps than the last. Mordin did not supply the nature of the equipment though he did assure the group that it was perfectly safe. Tobi was, strangely, very observant during the loading of this equipment. He did not help in any way, which irritated Jacob, but he was sure to make sure that certain fragile boxes were in their proper location. There were also quite a few furtive glances shared between Mordin and Tobi.

Shepard gazed at the growing pile of boxes, "So what is this stuff anyway?"

"Supplementary research materials." Mordin supplied, both answering her question and not answering her question. It was a gift.

Mordin never really lied, he used half-truths instead. Something about Salarians and lying, Mordin had explained the subject to Tobi. Basically, Salarians either lie and other Salarians get all 'He's lying, I must find out why!' or other Salarians get all 'Oh, it's a dangerous secret. I don't want to die, so I won't pursue the matter!' With absolutely no gray area in between.

In reality, the 'materials' are everything Mordin needed to continue his cloning of Tobi's eyes. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement. Tobi gets eyes and Mordin gets to make the eyes and study one or two. And since he's bringing the eyes aboard, it would be easier for both to keep an eye on them. Tobi had made his wishes against anyone knowing about them quite clear. Salarians only need 1 hour of sleep per day. Tobi could watch the eyes for an hour easily.

Shepard had explained that the Normandy was a Cerberus vessel. While she didn't exactly come out and say 'Cerberus will be monitoring everything on board' it was easy enough to deduce that fact. And since Miranda kept sending strange glances at him, or more specifically, his hand, he was going to have to keep his cards awfully close to his chest.

Regardless, the entirety of what he and Mordin needed to continue their efforts was loaded and Jacob was conscripted to haul it all back to the ship. Why Jacob? Multiple reasons. Firstly, he had the illusion of being the strongest there (no matter just how false that statement was, how very, very, very, very false). Secondly, the only other people there were either female (bad manners) or an alien (bad manners) or Tobi, who may or may not qualify for the other reasons. Some species had difficulty telling his gender. It was actually kind of funny. Not krogan though. They knew his gender, and just how powerful he was. It was in his scent, apparently. To that end, most krogan are either cowed by him, though you couldn't tell by looking at them, or wanted to challenge him.

He would always deny the challenges, which left most krogan frustrated and confused. To a krogan, you have to prove your strength in a fight. But, if you can tell someone's stronger than you but they refuse to fight, the krogan aren't sure how to treat you. You are stronger than they are, but you are also weaker because you didn't want to fight. Like dogs, really. The Alpha is the strongest and proves it by kicking ass. To krogan, he was an Alpha dog refusing to fight, which frustrated and confused them. Frustrated because they cannot prove their own strength relative to his and confused because it's not something done in their 'culture'. This was also remarkably humorous.

They likely made a strange sight as they went through the corridors of Omega. A mostly nude woman, an armored death-machine looking woman, a Salarian constantly checking his Omni-tool, a black guy pushing a cart, and Tobi. But, there weren't many people left alive... The Apartments district was almost depopulated, at least the parts they went through were.

They passed a few of those guards when they neared the entrance. Shepard told them that the district was safe, the plague cured, and most people in it dead. The guards weren't exactly happy with the news. Aria would likely be upset. She did just lose a rather large amount of her subjects. Even if Aria didn't tax them, she did control most of the trade that went on in Omega, so she does lose profits due to a sudden depletion of customers.

They had to visit Aria first. Tobi insisted. It was rude manners to leave someone's home or employ before saying goodbye. Mordin stayed at the entrance with his equipment. One does not simply push a cart of covered boxes into Aria's club with an elcor bouncer. For all he knew it could be a large pile of bombs. Also: it would take up floor space. Mordin probably didn't want to go clubbing anyway.

So they entered the club. Big deal, flashy lights, pole-dancing asari, barely-dressed whores. Fun time for any male and females that have an interest in asari. For the record: an interest in asari by females is lesbianism. Asari look like females: they have breasts, they have uterus's, they have birthing canals, they have vagina's. They are female.

The group made their way over to Aria's balcony looking thing. She has an office that is quieter and more functional, but Aria liked doing business on the balcony.

"Aria!" Tobi yelled cheerily once he was on the balcony.

"Tobi." Aria neutrally greeted with a slight nod and a sigh.

"Look what I made!" Tobi yelled, he threw the Zweihander into her arms.

She raised a single eyebrow, "This looks like... 2 Claymores put together?"

"Yep!"

Aria saw Shepard approaching out of the corner of her eye, "Hmm... Why don't you go show this to Patriarch. I'm sure he'll like it."

Tobi nodded rapidly and picked up his monster. He then jumped off the balcony before running through the door way underneath it.

Shepard walked up, "Aria." she greeted, "We did everything we came here to do, Aria. But I want Tobi on my team."

Aria may have been surprised, for an instant, but she covered it up well, "Oh really?"

Shepard nodded, "A man of his talents would do well on our mission."

Aria thought for a moment, "For terminating his current contract with me, I will have to be compensated."

Miranda interjected, "We can pay you well." her Omni-tool lit up.

Aria's did as well, she glanced at it then thought for another moment, "Very well. Tobi shall join you on your mission. Bring him back alive, if possible. He's a good agent."

Tobi walked back up the stairs, his weapon over one shoulder, and blood splattered all over his coat.

"Hey, Aria!" he shouted, "Some Blood Pack guys tried to kill Patriarch, so I killed them with my new gun! Patriarch loved it, he said he wanted one for himself. Also: I'm apparently his krantt... what's a krantt?"

Aria sighed, "A krantt is a krogan term for his most loyal allies who are willing to fight and kill in his name and honor."

"Oh..." Tobi said, "Cool."

Aria sighed again, "Tobi, you have a new job. Shepard here managed to come up with enough money to purchase your services."

"Woo!" Tobi yelled, "I get to go on an adventure!"

Tobi quickly ran over to Aria and gave her a large hug. The lack of surprise on Aria's face told everyone that this wasn't the first time that Tobi had hugged her. Aria slowly reached up and patted Tobi twice on the shoulder.

Tobi stood up from his hug. He walked past Shepard and stood at the top of the stairs.

"Let's go, Shepard!" He called over his shoulder.

"Why don't you and the others go to the ship?" Shepard suggested, though it was clearly an order, "I want to talk with Aria."

"Kay! I'll go pack my stuff!" Tobi waved at Aria, "Bye, Momma! Love you!"

Tobi quickly ran away, laughing madly, with enough time to dodge the biotically induced things being thrown at him. Miranda, Jacob, and Zaeed quickly ran after Tobi as a small maelstrom of blue energy erupted in the small enclosed area they were in. They didn't want to be anywhere near a clearly pissed Aria anymore than anyone would.

Aria was glaring at the place Tobi once stood, her fists clenched and blue energy radiating off of her. She noted with some approval that Shepard had not cowered.

She quickly moved to head off any untoward questions, "Tobi is not my son." she relaxed her tensed muscles and sighed, "But he does know just how to push my buttons."

"I wanted to ask something like that, actually." Shepard began, "Does Tobi always act like that?"

Aria sat back down on her couch, "That depends. Did he refer to himself in the third person with an 'affectionate Japanese suffix'?" she quoted.

Shepard frowned, "No."

"Did he run ahead of the group then jump out from behind something in an attempt to scare you?"

"No."

"Did he refer to anyone in your group as 'Senpai'?"

"Maybe once."

"Did he refer to himself as a 'Good Boy' or anything similar?"

"Once, I think."

Aria smiled briefly, but then it was gone, "Then congratulations, you have met 'Serious Tobi'."

"You have got to be shitting me!" Shepard shouted.

"No." Aria replied, "Tobi has 3 modes: serious, silly, or deadly. The things I mentioned are things that 'Silly Tobi' does. Deadly Tobi, well, you'll know when you meet him. He's... different."

"What's so different about 'Deadly Tobi'?" Shepard inquired.

"He's like an alter-ego of Tobi's. He's smarter than normal Tobi but constantly belittles everything and calls himself, oh what was it? 'Uchiha Madara'?"

"Miranda told me something along those lines." Shepard noted.

"Deadly Tobi... don't provoke him, I doubt you would live to brag about the experience."

Meanwhile, in Tobi's room.

"ACHOO!" Tobi sneezed.

"Bless you." some of the team halfheartedly muttered.

There is much more to the Afterlife than meets the eye. The place was a fortress. There's an armory, a cafeteria, a series of tunnels through the walls, and rooms for all of the guards. There are many, many more guards than what you would assume. Hundreds can occupy Afterlife at any one time and no one would notice. The tunnels also connect to a number of buildings around the neighborhood: each one specifically chosen for their firing lanes and strategic position. If a sizable force is spotted, the bouncer will hit a button to alert all the guards. The guards would then rush through the tunnels to Afterlife or one of the support buildings. Any attacking force will find itself barraged on all sides instead of just the frontal approach they would expect. This system wouldn't stop a small force because the bouncer wouldn't notice fast enough to activate the alarm, but any force with enough numbers to guarantee the bouncer noticing them will be destroyed. That's why there's little to no cover for a large area around Afterlife.

Aria's employees are very loyal to her, and for good reason. She offered free room and board, as well as free food, in addition to arms and armor. As an elite employee, Tobi gets his own private room instead of the the legions of guards that live in one of several barracks.

As Tobi has his own room, he decided to fill it with stuff. His stuff. Random stuff, expensive stuff, but mostly fun stuff!

He closed the door in their faces before they could go into his room. The sign clearly said 'Tobi's Room'! In crayon, but still. Sealing scrolls and 3 minutes and there was nothing left in his room. Not even the bed that was bolted to the floor!

He left the room and yelled, "To the Normandy!"


	10. Tobi's Majestic New Apartment!

Okay, they probably should have waited for Shepard. They probably should have stopped and waited for her. They probably should have escorted her back to the Normandy through the crime strewn streets of Omega. They probably shouldn't have boarded the Normandy without her. And they probably should have stopped for dango on the way. None of these things were done, however. But Shepard was taking _forever_! All of this was in the past anyway, and Shepard _did_ eventually make it back safe and sound. No harm, no foul, right?

In Tobi's mind, it was just an efficient usage of time! Why wait for Shepard when other matters could be completed with that time!? Also: Omega was dangerous, smelly, and dangerous. Why wait there when there was a famous, perfectly safe starship around the corner? It was a no brainer to him, but the others took some convincing. Turns out there was something called 'protocol' and 'decorum' and 'proper manners' preventing their journey to the Normandy. But all of these various things did not prevent Tobi from convincing his new found brothers in arms to accompany him to the Normandy.

It was simple, really. Stay here, in Omega, and allow Tobi to go to the Normandy and try (read: succeed) to find a way in. Or go with Tobi to the Normandy, and all the creature comfort it provides, as well as acclimatizing the new found crew to their bunks, their tasks, and the skinny on their job. At least, that as Tobi's argument anyway. Let no man say that Tobi cannot be convincing without Sharingan reinforced genjutsu backing him up. He just likes using Sharingan reinforced genjutsu because it really takes the guesswork out of making others do your bidding.

If you could make someone do whatever you want by giving them a relatively hard look, would you ever want to do anything different? The answer to that riddle is no. That's why the Uchiha clan died! They were like, 'The Sharingan is the best! I won't use anything else!' then Itachi was like, 'I know everything about the Sharingan! Die!' only in less words because Itachi doesn't really like to talk much. And that's how the Uchiha clan died...

Ah... good ol' Itachi. He liked Itachi, opposed to his goals at the time or no, the guy was a cool bastard. Tobi really should have just gutted Sasuke and taken those eyes for his own: instant Eternal eyes, baby! But then again, hindsight is 20-20... though the Sharingan sees better than 20-20... hmm... If he knew then that he was acting like an idiot and that the plan wouldn't work, and even if it did work that there was an entire galaxy full of people that wouldn't be affected... well... he would change some things! Like Sasuke; dead (he was a little asshole)! And Madara; dead, again (he was a _huge_ asshole)! The Jubi's corpse; avidly used because it's great for killing (...what? It was!)!

But can you really blame him? I mean, I'm sure you can, but he was technically brainwashed by Madara! And... well... he never really had a choice in the matter to begin with. His fate was mostly sealed the moment Madara rescued him from the pile of body-crushing rocks.

But all that's in the past! Slow breathing, calming thoughts, no need to kill something or anything or everything... Hmm... Peace~!

Ah... Key Lime Pie...

So there they were! Directly in front of the Normandy's entrance, casually gazing upon its majestic beauty! Omega didn't have a whole lot of windows, but they had at least one! The newcomers, him and Mordin (Zaeed had already been on the ship, if only for a minute or so) got their first look at the Normandy.

Mordin whipped out his Omni-tool as he is wont to do and started scanning, or maybe calculating, you can never quite tell with Salarians. It wouldn't surprise Tobi if Salarians learned and memorized their multiplication charts before they were taken out of their swaddling clothes.

According to one unusual human that Tobi had met, Salarians were 'Asians from space!' though that may have been a translator error. Tobi had gone over the history of racism in human culture after that encounter, and briefly wondered why meeting aliens had not eliminated racism human altogether. After all, why hate a perfectly good human when there were unclean xenos just in the next star system? Then Tobi compared how many humans were racist towards each other and how many humans were racist towards each other before alien encounters and found that racism _had_ dropped off considerably.

Good for them! Of course, his people were infinitely superior to them in that regard, and in most regards. His people certainly never had race wars! They had normal wars, several normal wars, multiple world wars, total wars where everything was a target, twice! In fact, his people took humanity's World Wars and ramped them up to eleven, so ha! So what if people from Kumo tended to be brown? That just made them exotic, and easy to spot in a crowd as an infiltrator! Silly Kumo-nin, you should really stop being brown, if only to blend more easily with non-Kumo crowds! See, not hate racist! Practical racist!

So anyways, there was a door to the Normandy. And there was an airlock. A computer came on and started blabbing about decontamination procedures and a blue light started going back and forth across the group. Yeah, like a blue light is going to hurt the viruses and bacteria. You know the micro organisms were like, _'We're so small and dumb that we don't even have thoughts on the matter!'_ Tobi preferred fire! Nothing cleaner in the galaxy than Tobi's lab after a good fire-cleansing! Except for suns and black holes! Suns were basically his lab under constant fire-cleansing and black holes didn't let anything escape! Not even light! Logically, black holes were very clean... or maybe they were the dirtiest things in the galaxy! Ugh! Giant, terrible vortexes of hell and dirt! Ew! OCD alert!

Tobi swiftly put a lid on his rising OCD-mania. Why? Because the inner door to the Normandy just opened... Was that right? That's how the Aburame dudes and girls speak, right? Tobi was going for 'Aburame' or 'bug people'.

Listen to other impressions!

Hyuuga; "The Hyuuga clan is the best clan, the Byakugan is the best dojutsu, the Gentle Fist is the best taijutsu form, and the Branch clan needs more death seals! Hahaha!"

Inuzuka; "Let's do whatever we want and damn the consequences! Ruff ruff motherfucker!"

Yamanaka; "Everybody should be a gardener and everybody has to come by once a year for psych evaluations! No exceptions!"

Nara; "**Snores** Troublesome... **Snores** Troublesome..."

Uzumaki, "Datteba- (insert ending of your choice, known endings include -ne, -yo, and -ki)!"

Akimichi; "FOOD! Did you call us fat!? INFINITE RAGE!"

Sarutobi; "We had one good guy in all our history and we've been riding that gravy train since!"

Namikaze; "We're not really a clan at all, just a single family. 'Namikaze' is just a name that we were given by the Sandaime because our only member was an orphan."

Kurama; "..."

Senju; "..."

Uchiha; "..." Get it? Because they're all dead! Hahaha!

Enough impersonations for one day!

So the group walks into the Normandy, for some reason the door is right next to the cockpit.

Miranda immediately escorted them to the briefing room, presumably for briefing. However, those who had already been briefed decided to go off and do something else. Apparently, Zaeed had been briefed in his brief time aboard the Normandy so he went down the elevator. A few minutes on the Normandy is enough to get you briefed on everything you are going to be doing. But Shepard had already told him most of it...

The briefing room held many surprises! Like a table! But really, it was the holographic projector that caught his eyes.

Okay, it was really the thing that popped up out of the holographic projector that caught his eye. Not more than a sentence or two comes out of that... sphere's... thing... before Mordin realizes that it's an AI. Good old Mordin-chan, he could always be relied on to make observations about things.

Turns out the AI likes to be called EDI. Or, erm, Ee-dee. Instead of E-D-I, like any sane person would pronounce its name. Word around the galaxy is that AIs are extraordinarily dangerous and bloodthirsty. Kind of like Orochimaru only all mechanical and electronic rather than organic and snakey. Also; severely less research and far more mindless killing.

Step one to avoiding death by rampant AI is introduce yourself! Ingratiate yourself to your new dark mistress/master. Prove you can be useful!

So Tobi stepped right up to the AI sphere thing, too close really, anyone else would complain about nonsense like 'personal space'.

"Hi!" Tobi majestically exclaimed, bringing the AI's attention to him and his waving arms.

"Hello." EDI replied.

"Let's introduce ourselves! I'll go first, you answer with an equivalent statement!" Tobi shouted, speaking rapidly and unusually eloquently, "My name is Tobi! I'm a cyborg, I'm eighty or so Earth years old, I'm a woman, I like dango, my mask, and killing things! I dislike skin contact and the Hanar! Someday, I want to rule the galaxy with an iron fist, firmly but fairly! Now you go!"

Miranda looked like she was going to interject, probably a statement along the lines of, 'Wait, you're a woman!?' or maybe, 'Cerberus would like to eat your soul and body parts, preferably in that order.' but thankfully, EDI started before she could even try.

"My designation is the Enhanced Defense Intelligence," EDI-chan began, "But the crew likes to refer to me as EDI. I am an AI, functioning as the electronic warfare defense for the Normandy SR-2, I was first brought online seven Earth months and three Earth days ago, my personality matrix and voice are feminine, I do not particularly like anything. I dislike anything that attempts to bring harm to the ship. I have no plans beyond serving aboard the Normandy."

Tobi laid a hand on top of EDI-chan's hologram, or tried to, at least, "It's okay EDI-chan, I'll help you become a real boy! Our journey will be long and arduous, but together we will make you realize your own personal potential!" Tobi did the 'nice guy' pose, big grin, thumbs up, subtly altering your body language to 'friendly and determined', "But first, we should start small. I'd like a room to sleep in, if you please. A big one, I have a lot of stuff. I like windows too, in case I need to break out of the Normandy."

EDI seemed to flicker for a moment, probably basking in the joy of the opportunity presented to her, "The port and starboard viewing decks are both available."

"Hmm... Which is closer to the bathroom?" Tobi inquired, majestically.

"The woman's restroom is on the starboard side of the ship." EDI replied.

"Then I'll take that one! Thanks a bunch EDI!" Tobi then walked into the hallway, leaving behind an upset Miranda. She probably still wanted to talk to him. Hehehehe. Oh wait... she probably wanted to steal his arm... he saw the way she was looking at it, like he was a piece of meat. Or, rather, metal. He knew the kind of girl she was... Orochimaru-y. He kind of wanted to beat her around a little, just to show who's boss. But that would be mean, you don't just beat people.

EDI was kind of cool though. You'd figure lying to an AI would be more difficult. He couldn't even put it under a genjutsu, _he didn't think_, and that was his go to option! But hey, according to the AI (which can never lie) he was an eighty year old woman. Sometimes, you have to make your own fun instead of relying on the universe to make it for you. However, by that logic there is a limited supply of fun in the universe. That's probably why the galaxy was so full of crime; he was stealing their fun so they became evil!

He got directions from EDI-chan, such a good girl. He liked his new room, very spacious... too spacious... Come to think of it, from what little he had seen of the ship, it looked like a luxury liner, but felt like a warship... Hmm. Strange...

His new room also came pre-furbished! But sadly, it did not have many of the necessities of an apartment. Like a bed, or a toilet, a computer, or any of his numerous toys (he bought them to keep up his act, but damnit if some of them hadn't grown on him). At least the view was nice. Omega, dark, dank, oily, smelly, Omega. Good view... at least the view changed depending on where the ship was. Oh look! A holographic projector.

"Hey, EDI!" he shouted to the room.

"Yes, Tobi?' EDI's avatar appeared from the projector.

"How many listening devices and cameras are in this room?" Tobi asked. His Sharingan could see a few of the more obvious ones, but that just meant there were more.

"I'm afraid I do not know."

"That's okay, EDI. I trust you." He walked over and patted the hologram, "You're too cute to want to enslave all organics!" he was still lying, _nothing_ was too cute to enslave all organics, in fact, some would say that the cute ones are the ones who actively try to enslave organics, "Besides, I'll just have Mordin come up in a bit, he'll help me clear all these out."

He turned back towards the room, already planning his interior design. EDI's avatar winked off behind him. Hmm... all of his stuff was currently residing in his pocket dimension, a relatively clean section of his dimension at that. He wasn't sure if it had a set width, height, and depth but he knew that the 'center' was getting kind of full. The 'center' is really just the place where he goes in his dimension first, like a set landing pad.

But how to get that stuff here without alerting the numerous bugs in the room that he was a walking talking trans-dimensional being of infinite power?

He settled on reaching behind his back, underneath his cloak, and pulling out a suitcase. One suitcase. Just one. He tossed it on the couch. Easily excusable, he could say he had large pockets. And when he just kept pulling stuff out, well, he could just say he was a god at packing suitcases. Which is only a half lie; he is a god, just not at packing suitcases. The best lies always have a nugget of truth in them, or are primarily composed of truth particles and only a small amount of lie. So sayeth God.

But furbishing his new, rent-free (in fact, _they_ paid _him_) apartment could wait!

He quietly walked out of his room, the door opening automatically. He immediately noticed the woman's restroom on his right. Ha! As though he ever needed to go to the bathroom. He should probably take a shower every once in a while though. This door wasn't automatic, so he slapped the 'Open' button just off to the side. All doors he had thus far seen had 2 ways to open them, you could open it with a program on your Omni-tool, or you could hit 'Open'.

Hmm... couple showers, couple toilets, couple sinks, one screeching naked lady in the shower... He kind of hated the layout, anyone opening the door would immediately see the naked body of whoever is showering at the time, and see a couple of people on the toilets. That's not saying that the people opening the doors are perverts, that's just how bad the layout was. What if a guy was walking by and a girl opened the door from the inside? The guy would instinctively look towards the sound and see the girl leaving, and how ever many girls were still in the shower behind her.

He casually waved at the shouting lady and continued his walk down the hallway, halfheartedly hoping the door closed automatically. It did.

To his left was the crew sleeping room, apparently. He could read. Despite the writing being in English, he could still read it. It was either the Omni-tool or that fact that using the Sharingan at all times gave him insight into the languages he saw written around Omega.

Then there was the opposite end of the corridor. Logic told him that the port viewing deck was over there, as well as the man's restroom. The signs, however, told him that Life Support was over yonder as well, instead of another crew quarters like his OCD dictated. Symmetry, damnit!

Half way between them, the elevator. Just an elevator, nothing exotic about it. He was troubled by the lack of elevator music, even worse than normal elevator music; silence.

Thankfully, there was more to this deck. He peeked his head around the corner. There was a couple tables complete with chairs, the medical room, a small, disappointing kitchen, someone's office, and a longer hallway, leading to another door, that was full of capsules. Sleepers, perhaps? There were a few people too, but they aren't part of the room... unless they aren't people and just strange, animated statues.

Wait... he just remembered something... Garrus is in the med bay!

He quickly got on that. By that, I mean, he ran over to the med bay door. The door was already opened, for some reason, but he didn't mind. He stuck his head in... there was an old lady staring at her computer screen and Garrus was on one of the beds. Sneakily, like the wily ninja he was, he sneaked his way over to Garrus' side. He casually examined him, calm steady breathing, his wounds weren't bleeding, in fact they had already scarred over, quite heavily. This med bay, and the doctor, was clearly capable of handling life threatening injuries, but lacked the proper equipment to get rid of scarring.

Oh well. He spied Garrus' eyepiece on the small table by his bed, he grabbed it.

He wasn't lying earlier when he said he planned on making one of his masks for Garrus. He reached into the 'large pocket' in his cloak that was really 'just' a pocket dimension and brought out his modified mask for Turians.

The hole for the eye was over the right side, yet Garrus appeared to still have both of his. He had planned for this. He slipped the eye piece into a slot on the left side of the mask and then placed it over Garrus' head. This way, Garrus can still see using both eyes (he had made sure to keep the material thin and see through on the left side, just for Garrus) so long as he had his famous rangefinder over the left eye. The two pieces complemented each other, and fit together snugly. Garrus' rangefinder wraps around his head slightly and so does Tobi's specially modified mask, so there was no danger of either falling off in battle. Perfect.

Aw... they could be best friends now! Mask buddies! They both had extensive damage over the right side of their faces, yet still had use of the eye in the middle of that damage!

"Commander Shepard has boarded the Normandy."

EDI-chan has control of the speakers? Cool.

Shit, the old lady was moving. Tobi made a hasty retreat, back to his room, he has to unpack! And hide... wait for the mask to take its course...


End file.
